Dad jokes (season six) to keep you chuckling during lockdown
PUBLISHED: 12:58 23 April 2020 | UPDATED: 15:09 23 April 2020
While you keep saying you’re enjoying them, we’ll keep the Dad jokes coming.
So here’s part six.
I’ve been watching the world origami championship on TV. You won’t be able to see it as it’s only on paperview.
A bloke I know has started a yacht making business from his loft. He said sails are going through the roof.
Ipswich town have offered to give 5000 seats each home game next season for health workers. A spokesman for the NHS said: “Have these people not suffered enough?”
Also, Ipswich have offered to melt down all the trophies they’ve won in the last 40 years to provide medical equipment for the NHS locally. Ipswich Hospital thanked the club for the pair of tweezers.
My mate rang and said: “I feel like I’m 16 again. Petrol is cheap, I can’t legally buy a drink in a pub and I’m grounded.”
Breaking news: Archaeologists believe that they’ve uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said: “They’re so badly chewed on the ends we can’t tell if they’re 2B or not 2B.”
A thief has removed all motorway signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently looking for Leeds.
A guy lost his job as a TV meteorologist for taking home the weather symbols hidden under his hat. He left under a cloud.
Before lockdown, my wife and I went out for dinner. We were going to have venison, but it was a little deer.
My friend’s daughter asked him for a pet spider for her birthday, so he went to the local pet shop and they were £50 each. Blow that, he thought, he can get one cheaper on the web.
Applied for a job in a colliery but was turned down. Never mined.
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What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
Why did the tenor carry a ladder around? So he could reach the high notes.
Heard about the guy whose nickname at work is Mr Compromise? It wasn’t his first choice but he’s ok with it.
My mate is normally employed at a factory making cuddly toy versions of animals but he’s changed roles because of lockdown. He fills up the machine with the soft material on the outside of the toy. He’s now a fur load worker.
A lady I know used to say: “Take everything with a pinch of salt”. Lovely woman, made terrible tea though.
I heard there was a new shop opening called Moderation. They have everything there.
My mate’s dad always used to say: “The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more”. Great bloke - terrible anaesthetist.
My pal Jack can communicate with vegetables. Well, Jack and the beans talk.
Finally, I’ve been asked to improve the quality of my jokes. Apparently I’m risking the spread of the groaner-virus.
If you missed any of the first five episodes you can see them here: *One
*Thanks for the jokes you’ve sent so far. If you want to contribute, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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