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Dad jokes (episode four) to help lift the spirits in tough times

PUBLISHED: 13:49 09 April 2020 | UPDATED: 13:54 09 April 2020

The cats have been out more than us in recent weeks. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

The cats have been out more than us in recent weeks. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Getty Images/iStockphoto

Well we’ve got to week four and hopefully you’re still finding these Dad jokes helpful in putting a smile on your face.

Heard the one about the sunbathers in northern Scotland? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoHeard the one about the sunbathers in northern Scotland? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Thanks for the nice feedback - and the gags you’ve shared.

So here goes with episode four.......

Day 17 of lockdown and I’ve finally run out of deodorant and shower gel. It’s time to open....The Lynx Africa gift set from Christmas.

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a goat...... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoDoctor, doctor, I feel like a goat...... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Apparently Dire Straits have loads of Easter decorations this year. I heard they got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free.

My mate lost his job as a dermatologist. He got handed his E45.

Heard the one about the bath and the glass of wine...? Picture: Getty ImagesHeard the one about the bath and the glass of wine...? Picture: Getty Images

I promised my wife a trip to see the Northern lights but she was a bit disappointed. Personally I don’t see what’s wrong with the traffic lights at the A629 junction in Huddersfield.

My doctor told me to drink a bottle of wine after a hot bath, but I couldn’t even finish drinking the hot bath.

It's no laughing matter for the King of Spain. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoIt's no laughing matter for the King of Spain. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Just had a call from a bloke I know. He said: “My wife’s run off with the milkman and I do miss him.”

My computer asked for an eight character password, I suggested Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs but was declined.

The Northern Lights I took my wife to see weren't quite like these ones. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoThe Northern Lights I took my wife to see weren't quite like these ones. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

The Spanish King has been quarantined on his private jet. This means that the reign in Spain will stay mainly on the plane.

My mate works in Tesco in the fabric softener aisle but he’s just been moved to wines and spirits. He’s now way out of his Comfort zone.

So I rearranged my wife's spice rack.... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoSo I rearranged my wife's spice rack.... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

I went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.” He said: “How long have you felt like this?” I replied: “Ever since I was a kid....”

You may also want to watch:

People say I’m a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

I recently switched all the labels on my wife’s spice rack. She hasn’t realised yet, but the thyme is cumin.

Instead of a swear jar, a guy I work with has a negativity jar. Every time hed has pessimistic thoughts, he puts a penny in. It’s currently half empty.

I keep thinking about Mickey Mouse, then I fall over. I think I’m having Disney spells.

Breaking news: Two people found sunbathing in northern Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.

Vauxhall Corsa for sale. Very economical. Currently getting three weeks a gallon.

What kind of magazines do cows read? Cattlelogs.

I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said: “How flexible are you?” I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

I finally managed to get a delivery slot for my online shopping, so I’ve ordered turkey, sprouts, Christmas cake, crackers and a pudding.

And finally, more lockdown day 17 news. The cat has just asked me if I wanted the radio left on while he went out.

If you missed the previous list of jokes here they are:
Number one

Number two

Number three


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