Banana stickers and surprise packages: Six things we learned on Strictly this week

This years gaggle of duck-footed celebrities were awarded a glut of points for their first week of d

This years gaggle of duck-footed celebrities were awarded a glut of points for their first week of dances - and they will all go again next week. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

We have now seen the fifteen celebrities take their first steps for our amusement - and with a massive 130-minute show to kick off the series, we have all the highlights from the first big show.

Danny John Jules opened the series with the first of many dances making glaring nods to the celebrit

Danny John Jules opened the series with the first of many dances making glaring nods to the celebrities careers. After 30 years of playing The Cat in Red Dwarf, Danny's Foxtrot was to the Top Cat theme tune. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

I know you're busy, there's no time to waste so let's get into this week's six Strictly lessons:

No one is getting kicked off this week

The pre-recorded guff is in the past: it's all live Saturday night entertainment from now until the final - but there was no Sunday night results show to boot out the first unlucky contestant this week.

Dancing to Dancing by Kylie Minouge, a first-ever for a first week saw Stacey Dooley do the Quickste

Dancing to Dancing by Kylie Minouge, a first-ever for a first week saw Stacey Dooley do the Quickstep. She stepped quickly. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

All the points scored this week get added to next week's points, combined with the public vote, stir gently into the soil of a riverbed and the shingle by the light of the first full moon will reveal who is going home.


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The idea is to give everyone a chance to show the voting public what they're made of, and with all the money spent on voting for your winner going towards Children In Need it would seem that there's no money-making scheme hidden away to encourage people to shill out into the pockets of television execs. Good job BBC.

"So Kate, you're a newsreader? I'm sure I can shoehorn that into the choreography for the Cha Cha Ch

"So Kate, you're a newsreader? I'm sure I can shoehorn that into the choreography for the Cha Cha Cha, no problem!" - Aljaz at some point this week. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

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Popstars have a huge advantage on Strictly

Avid readers will remember that I claimed ex-popstar Ashley Roberts had a distinct advantage with her sense of rhythm and being physically fit. Well, I was right.

Ashley and Steps star Faye Tozer topped the leader board, but Blue heartthrob Lee Ryan is wallowing in mid-table obscurity, so it would seem musicians are not guaranteed an easy ride.

Joe Sugg enjoyed a pigeonhole-ing for the first dance of the series, with his YouTube status plaster

Joe Sugg enjoyed a pigeonhole-ing for the first dance of the series, with his YouTube status plastered on the screen for viewers at home and emojis everywhere he turned. A shame given he danced a solid Jive. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

There was some surprises packages in the eyes of the judges - YouTuber Joe Sugg had slipped under the judge's radar and there was a stand-out performance from Red Dwarf's Danny John Jules - at 58 he is the oldest contestant - who opened the show with a hot-pink suit and scorching foxtrot to finish third.

The remaining top half of the leaderboard is either young, athletic or both, with, Charles Venn, Lauren Steadman (she literally just won a gold medal as a paraTriathlete) and Dr. Ranj Singh appearing.

A tough first week and a dressing-down from Craig for Vick Hope's Jive, all of which was overshadowe

A tough first week and a dressing-down from Craig for Vick Hope's Jive, all of which was overshadowed by Graziano Di Prima's immaculate chest. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Apparently we need reminding of what the celebrities are famous for

Showrunners do not seem to trust the audience to distinguish between the contestants now they're here, so we have been reminded through the most obvious hints in staging and props this week.

Cricketer Graeme Swann? Arrived on a giant cricket bat from the ceiling polishing a ball on his shirt like a teachers pet polishes an apple.

Cricketer Graeme Swann danced a cricket-themed Samba to the TMS theme tune. I wonder where they get

Cricketer Graeme Swann danced a cricket-themed Samba to the TMS theme tune. I wonder where they get their ideas? BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Dr. Ranj? A doctor, albeit with a thermometer on a platform that fired sparks out when he pounced on a table.

Faye from Steps? Better make sure she does the dance moves from Tragedy in her routine.

Newsreader Kate Silverton? Not only did they send her and her partner to the BBC newsroom for their intro VT this week, she had a newsdesk on the dancefloor.

Lee Ryan letting the popstar cohord down by slipping to the bottom half of the table, but his Waltz

Lee Ryan letting the popstar cohord down by slipping to the bottom half of the table, but his Waltz to an Eagles track was a bit leftfield. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

YouTuber Joe? Make sure everyone knows he's for the young people - bury him in emojis!

It's appropriate to hide under women's dresses again

Dr Ranj in a... yes, that is a doctors coat. Despite the stereotyping, his Cha Cha Cha went down wel

Dr Ranj in a... yes, that is a doctors coat. Despite the stereotyping, his Cha Cha Cha went down well with the judges and his smile is infectious. See what I did there? BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Susannah Constantine, giving us all a demonstration of What Not To Wear, appeared before us a garish nightmare in orange.

A bowl of fruit atop her head and looking every bit like the Chiquita banana sticker, she revealed a maraca-rattling Anton Du Beke from beneath her bloomers on live TV.

Out he popped twice, a tanned, grinning cuckoo bird reminding everyone it was too late to change the channel, the image burned onto millions of retinas across the country.

Katie Piper struggled in the middle of her Waltz, giving Gorka a solid stamp on the toe. BBC - Photo

Katie Piper struggled in the middle of her Waltz, giving Gorka a solid stamp on the toe. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

This flamboyant gambit was not enough to hide Susannah's clumping feet and she scored a dismal 12 points: only Fiona Phillips and Quentin Wilson have ever done worse.

The 'Strictly curse' is still a hot topic

Ashley Roberts, top of the leaderboard with Faye Tozer, did the Viennese Waltz. Two ex-popstars gett

Ashley Roberts, top of the leaderboard with Faye Tozer, did the Viennese Waltz. Two ex-popstars getting off to a great start, surprising no one. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Celebrity relationships are often played out in the public eye, and Strictly has a reputation for making and breaking couples every year.

Ex-Strictly pro dancer Brendan Cole famously seduced four of his fellow dancers wives during one season and since leaving the show has refused to return them.

This year, Lee Ryan and partner Nadiya Bychkova are being frequently photographed holding hands in a salacious manner, despite both being in relationships.

Charles' Cha Cha Cha god middling scores from the judges but was as close at Strictly security have

Charles' Cha Cha Cha god middling scores from the judges but was as close at Strictly security have ever come to stopping womem throwing their pants on the dancefloor. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Some gossip columns have erupted into speculation over torrid affairs, when the wedding date will be and if they can find any ex-partners to talk up their past infidelities.

Now it's spilling onto the show and host Tess Daly as well as judges Shirley Ballas and Bruno Tonioli all took their opportunity to give the pair a suggestive 'nudge and wink' - to which they seemed totally oblivious.

It's not a classy way to conduct the show, and Darcey Bussell was visibly ticked off when her fellow judges made their smutty insinuations.

Susannah Constantine 'dancing' the Samba and giving a great example of What Not To Wear, ironically

Susannah Constantine 'dancing' the Samba and giving a great example of What Not To Wear, ironically enough. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

The next dance is a double-edged sword

Next week's scores will be vital to save the struggling celebrities at the bottom of the table: potential frontrunner Vick Hope is joint-twelfth with Seann Walsh, whose Bodyguard-esque Tango went down like a lead balloon.

A Waltz from Lauren, looking like she iss taking AJ to his first shcool prom. BBC - Photographer: GU

A Waltz from Lauren, looking like she iss taking AJ to his first shcool prom. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

A nation's sweetheart, Katie Piper, also tripped on her partners feet as she nervously shuffled through her dance, leaving her second from bottom.

There's hope though - a bad dance form someone further up will likely be fresher in the public's mind, so if they end up on a similar number of points, anyone on an upwards trajectory stands a fighting chance.

So who is going home next week? Who will be pulling out all the stops? Will anyone be able to look Anton in the eye backstage after that frankly upsetting Samba? We will have to tune in next week to find out!

Seann Walsh gave it some real beans in a Tango to Justin Timberlake's SexyBack - but a below-average

Seann Walsh gave it some real beans in a Tango to Justin Timberlake's SexyBack - but a below-average scroe might have left him scuppered going into the public votes next week. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

Steps star Faye Tozer topped the leaderboard - but still had to endure rehashing her old dance moves

Steps star Faye Tozer topped the leaderboard - but still had to endure rehashing her old dance moves in a Cha Cha Cha. BBC - Photographer: GUY LEVY - Credit: BBC

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