David Hannant: Some off the wall ways to complete the Premier League season
- Credit: PA
It’s clear to all of us now that these are unprecedented and uncharted times we are living in – beyond just football.
There’s no escaping that it is scary, it is uncertain and none of us really knows what is going to happen in the coming weeks.
As it often becomes, football is almost serving as a microcosm for the world around it.
With regards to the future of the Premier League season I have seen a million and one different suggestions for how things should be tied up if and when it becomes apparent that we will be in the same position come April 3.
Near enough every suggestion has its merits and I’m yet to see a single suggestion that is totally without its flaws.
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So my attitude, as it often is, is to not get too bogged down in what ifs and look for the fun in even the most uncertain of situations.
I could rack my brain and try and come up with some serious suggestions that will be fair to everyone – but I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’ve come up with a few suggestions just for the fun of it – none of which is sensible and logical, but hopefully all of which will make you smile.
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Clearly with 92 games left to play across the season, time is ticking to complete the season on schedule, even if we get to a position where it is safe to play games.
However, penalty shoot-outs don’t take nearly as much time – and players would not need days to recover.
You could even cram more than one shoot-out into a day.
These would also be an efficient way of playing games while maintaining social distancing – gone would be the tussling over possession and close proximity there would always be 12 yards between opponents.
Of course, I am in no way pitching this idea knowing full well that it would bring City a maximum points tally for the rest of the season and secure a comfortable mid-table finish...
Who remembers Subbuteo?
Before the days of video games like Fifa, one of the best ways to relive the beautiful game was by flicking around tiny stickmen stood on round plastic bases.
It can be just as frustrating as it is entertaining, but crucially, you only need one human on each team to fulfil a fixture.
So, simply. each side can delegate a player who they know for certain is in good health, then they meet up and fulfil the remaining fixtures.
I’m less inclined to support this suggestion though, as I have no idea whether any of our current ranks will even remember it, let along be any good.
Duplicate past results
It wouldn’t be unfair to assume that if you’ve beaten a team once, you’ll beat them again.
If, for whatever reason, the fixtures can not be completed then let’s just calculate the rest of the season’s results based on the earlier results in the campaign.
Sadly, from a Norwich point of view, this probably wouldn’t help matters too much – but at least it would mean doing the double over Manchester City.
I have neither the time nor the motivation to work out where it would leave everyone else, but City would return two wins, a draw and six defeats from their remaining fixtures.
Actually scrap that, terrible idea, next.
One round, all the points
Clearly, we have no idea when we will be able to get the campaign back up and running, but it could well take some time.
If this situation rolls on for months the likelihood of finishing it before August gets slimmer and slimmer as time goes on.
So, if we can’t fit all the fixtures in before the next campaign is due to start, let’s raise the stakes.
Save for those with games in hand, each team can get a maximum of 27 points – so why not put that all on one game?
Play the next round of fixtures as soon as it is safe to do so – and put all the points up for grabs.
If you win, you take all 27 points, a draw sees each team take away nine points and the tally for the losers remains unchanged.
Not only would this get the season done and dusted in the most efficient way possible, but it gives us a title race.
It would also create a glorious situation whereby an Everton win could deny Liverpool their first title in three decades.
All joking and fun aside though, I genuinely do not know what the best solution would be if the season cannot be completed organically – but it must be.
It would be a huge injustice were it to be scrapped completely. Nobody wants to see a team that is not mathematically out of it relegated and I would say that no matter which team was sitting in the position we are.
And as for the FA Cup, just award it to us, obviously!