'You would have thought that after nine months of waiting, the pair of them could have made a bit more of an effort.'
Those were the first thoughts of a newborn baby as soon as she arrived into the world and gazed at her mother and the midwife.
Or at least, that is what Michelle Gant thought were her daughter's first thoughts as she waited in the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital in August 2015.
Mrs Gant's daughter, Thea, was eight days late, and whilst the days were ticking by she couldn't help but wonder what her daughter might be thinking.
And so the idea grew into a book, The Secret Life of the Baby, in which Mrs Gant writes the fictional thoughts of her child during the first eight months of her life.
'Six days over my due date I just had this idea - I wonder what she will think?' Mrs Gant said.
'I wrote the first line and the next day I went into labour.'
The book is written in Thea's point of view, a mixture of real life events with comedic fictional anecdotes.
One chapter reads: 'I'd had enough of being a show pony. And so I was less than impressed when yet again, I heard the familiar ring of the doorbell.
'I gave an exaggerated blink to express my disdain. At least, this was the intention. Instead, I forgot what I was doing mid-blink and fell into a brief but refreshing snooze.'
Michelle Gant, the former director of engagement at Freebridge housing association in King's Lynn, writes regular posts and poetry on her blog Words, Rhymes, Rambles.She believes putting thoughts onto paper has helped her surpass the difficult periods of parenthood.
'It is part of managing with all of your emotions,' Mrs Gant said. 'Where it helps you through the first difficult months.
'It was something that was inspired by my personal life, you are sharing something about yourself.
'Other bloggers really connected to it and I liked that I was making other people laugh.
'It is nice that Thea will have that and one day say 'look, you did that for me mum'.'
Mrs Gant, 41, now owns her own business The Engaging People Company, and lives in Dereham with her husband Robert Gant, 39, and two-year-old Thea.
The Secret Life of The Baby is available on Amazon.
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