Ho ho ho! Some Dad jokes to share at the Christmas dinner table

Father Christmas writes for the Torbay Weekly!

Father Christmas writes for the Torbay Weekly! - Credit: Jonathan Meath

Happy Christmas!

It's been a tough year and the uncertainties continue as we head into the festive season.

But we want to give you something to smile about as you meet up with family and friends.

So here's our Christmas Dad jokes special. Thanks to our lovely readers who have shared some of their favourite gags.

Santa Claus has been to give blood and he's got a very rare blood group. It's O O O.

I tried sending a Bon Jovi album to my mate for Christmas but it hasn’t been delivered. The tracking report keeps saying: "Oh, it’s halfway there."

They are now talking about banning glitter this Christmas… Its been on the cards for years.

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I have bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Have you noticed that some herbs taste much better at Christmas? It's the most wonderful thyme of the year.

Keith Richards and Mick Jagger went to my mate's for Christmas dinner one year. Unfortunately he under-cooked the turkey and everyone got sick. He almost killed two Stones with one bird.

The Rolling Stones in 1964 - from left to right Charlie Watts, Keith Richards, Brian Jones, Bill Wyman and Mick Jagger.

The Rolling Stones in 1964 - from left to right Charlie Watts, Keith Richards, Brian Jones, Bill Wyman and Mick Jagger. - Credit: PA Archive/PA Images

A man was in court for stealing an Advent calendar - he got 25 days

Which do you prefer to drink at Christmas? a) hot spicy wine b) warm spicy wine c) cold spicy wine d) none of the above. This is a mull tipple choice question.

Sir Toby's Beers will be doing mulled wine. 

Sir Toby's Beers will be doing mulled wine. - Credit: Supplied

What's a Christmas tree's favourite Cliff Richard song? Mistletoe and pine.

Cliff Richard: The Great 80 tour will be screened live

Cliff Richard. - Credit: Curzon Cinemas

Which Christmas carol do dogs like best? Bark the Herald Angels Sing.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson

Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonkey.

Who robs from the rich so he can gift-wrap presents for the poor?
Ribbon Hood.

How do you wash your hands at Christmas? With hand Santatizer.

Knock knock! Who's there? Hanna. Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree.

Great news that ABBA are getting back together again. But they're getting complaints about how loud they are when they rehearse. A guy I know said his meal in a restaurant was interrupted by them. He said: "I could hear the drums from Nando's."

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet? A mistle-toad.

My mate said he always lets his wife colour in his tattoo when she is unhappy. He said he knows when she needs a shoulder to crayon. 

My new car beeps every time I pass a vicar. Apparently it's just the rev counter.

Have you heard there's a new flight company exclusively for bald people? It’s called Receding airlines.  

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