Dad jokes (chapter 26) to give you some light relief in lockdown

Did you hear what happened when Lionel Richie took his perfoming cat to Seaworld? Picture: Getty Ima

Did you hear what happened when Lionel Richie took his perfoming cat to Seaworld? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/pkphotoscom - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

So how are you doing as we enter the second week of the second lockdown?

Is fly killer good for wasps? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Yevhenii Orlov

Is fly killer good for wasps? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Yevhenii Orlov - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

With so much bad news around and things so tough for so many people, we know life is hard.

And that’s why we’re keeping the Dad jokes going.

Here’s the next batch to hopefully put a smile on your face. Thanks for all the gags you’ve been sending in.

So have you met Sherlock Ohms, the electrician and detective? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Mous

So have you met Sherlock Ohms, the electrician and detective? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Moussa81 - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

I’ve got a friend who is an electrician and a part-time detective. We call him Sherlock Ohms.


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A flour bag burst and coated a 20 stone local baker – he calls himself the beast from the yeast.

Did you hear about the baker who worked in the army? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Sergey Sklezn

Did you hear about the baker who worked in the army? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Sergey Skleznev - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

I’ve just sold my entire collection of Sooty, Sweep and Sue puppets. Someone is paying me £200 to take them off my hands.

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Why did the man drive from Norfolk to Sussex to paint the town red? Because he wanted to Brighton it up.

I nailed the job interview to be a carpenter. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Robert Cocquyt

I nailed the job interview to be a carpenter. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Robert Cocquyt - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

My attempt to get a job at the trap door factory fell through.

People thought that Tina Turner had moved into our spare room last weekend but she was simply the guest.

A cleaner was late for an appointment. His excuse? He over swept.

At school a friend’s father was a magician who cut people in half. “Do you have any siblings?” he was asked. He replied he had two half-brothers and one half-sister.

I bought the wrong sort of garden sieve yesterday. That’s another fine mesh I’ve got myself into.

Did you hear about the bloke who was a baker in the army? He went into battle all buns glazing.

Just had a text from my mate; “Really fed up with my neighbour playing Lionel Richie songs. I wouldn’t normally mind, but It was All Night Long.”

Everyone was entertained when Lionel Richie took his performing cat to Sea World. What a feline, dancing on the sea lion.

A bloke was arrested yesterday after his neighbours complained about him playing Englebert Humperdinck records all night. He said: ”Police released me, let me go.”

I applied for a job as a carpenter the other day. I had to demonstrate my skill with a piece of wood. I nailed it.

My mate is a roofer and said: “I really have something to say, and I’m going to shout it out from the rooftops. Someone has stolen my ladder.”

I am totally surprised supermarkets are selling advent calendars; I had heard their days are numbered.

Sadly an overweight pirates parrot has died. It’s a huge weight off the pirate’s shoulders.

I once won a fancy dress competition dressed as a spreadsheet. I excelled myself.

I went to the book shop and asked the assistant for any books about turtles. She asked: “ Hardback?“ I said: “Yeah, and little heads.“

I went to buy some fly killer the other day. I said to the shop assistant: “Is this good for wasps?” She said: “No, it kills them.”

*If you want to add any jokes for future editions, please email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

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