Dad jokes (part 23) to help fill your extra hour when the clocks go back

Ho, ho, ho - it's time for a Dad joke

Ho, ho, ho - it's time for a Dad joke - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

It’s time for the clocks to go back - so we’ll all gain an extra hour.

Heard the one about Norfolk's worst football team?

Heard the one about Norfolk's worst football team? - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

And if you don’t know what to do with the additional minutes, how about sharing some Dad jokes?

Here’s the latest batch to help you out!

Sign on the music shop door: Gone to lunch. Bach in a fugue minuets.

It's a long way to Egypt on a camel.

It's a long way to Egypt on a camel. - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt and preservatives, DON’T OPEN IT. It’s spam.


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Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue is 17ft 4. That’s Horatio of about 3:1

Some people have no common cents

Some people have no common cents - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

A woman was in court for shoplifting. The judge said: “What did you take?” She replied: “A tin of pears.” “How many pears in the tin? Six. Ok, I’m giving you six weeks in prison to teach you a lesson.” Her husband stood up and said: “Excuse me, she also took a large tin of peas.”

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The worst football team in Norfolk – who had lost every game - had a home match coming up but the opposition failed to turn up. Fortunately, they upped their game and managed a 0-0 draw.

I was pleased with the complimentary nan when I went out for a meal.

I was pleased with the complimentary nan when I went out for a meal. - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Can someone from Twitter admin please explain to me why my post was removed? I’m really annoyed about this because my fence has now fallen over.

Before you mock kids who still believe is Santa. Remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

I went to a Indian restaurant last night. After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, “Aren’t you polite. You have such lovely manners.” Apparently, it was my complimentary nan.

I’m writing a book on how to turn your basement into your own spa and games. I reckon it’s gonna be a best cellar.

Just had this text from my mate: “I told my wife we’re going to Egypt for her birthday. She said: ‘Great can we go on a camel?’ I said: ‘No chance it’ll take months to get there.’”

Police have discovered the body of a man inside a crate of chickpeas. They are treating it as hummuside.

How does NASA organise a party? They planet.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

I just bought a chicken proof lawn. It’s impeccable.

What did the prawn say to the scallop at the party? “I think I’ve pulled a mussel!”

My mate’s girlfriend broke up with him when she found out he only had nine toes. She was lack toes intolerant.

I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course. I’m really struggling to get out of it.

I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born. Sadly, there was no plaque on it.

Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies? He didn’t have a lot of common cents.

A bloke’s wife laughed at him when he told her he was going to make a bike out of Macaroni. You should’ve seen her face when he cycled pasta.

*If you want to add a joke to future chapters, email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

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