Dad jokes chapter 30 - to help you smile during lockdown

Five cute snowmen dressed for winter, all facing forward and sat on snow. Snowmen wearing hats and s

How many snowmen can be in a garden during lockdown? - Credit: Simotion/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Well, the Dad jokes started during the first lockdown last March.

And as we're going through the latest set of really tight restrictions, we think everyone still needs a bit of light relief.

Welcome to chapter 30 and hope you continue to enjoy them. Thanks for the gags you're sending and keep them coming.

Here goes...

If it does snow heavily, does anyone know how many snowmen you're allowed in your garden under current restrictions?


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Just had a text from my mate who is in trouble. He said: "For Christmas my wife said that she wanted something with diamonds in it. How ungrateful. She threw the pack of cards right back at me."

Ace of diamonds single playing card on green base background

Diamonds aren't always a girl's best friend. - Credit: Stanth/Getty Images/iStockphoto


What do you call James Bond taking a bath? Bubble 07.

giant rubber duck taking a bath. grey background

Heard the one about James Bond taking a bath? - Credit: Martin Gallagher/Getty Images/iStockphoto

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My mate met his wife when they worked at the Stock Exchange. On their first date they played FTSE.

Got bored and changed the wrappers round on the leftover sweets in the tin of Celebrations. My wife’s not happy, she really got her Snickers in a Twix.

If cigarette tax is to discourage smoking, is income tax to discourage working?

There will be a minor baby boom in nine months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the "quarenteens."

The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released - To be clear - WHO let the dogs out.

Three Jack Russell puppies play on the grass at lawn.

Did WHO let the dogs out? - Credit: Stanislav Hubkin/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race. Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.

I got a Womble pepper grinder for Christmas. It's rubbish. Everything is either underground or overground.

I've just witnessed a massive brawl break out in my local petrol station. 17 people arrested in Total.

What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie-talkie.

If you ever find a magic lamp don't make the same mistake as my mate made. He found one and the genie offered him one wish. He is not materialistic so he said he just wanted to be happy. He is now working in a mine and living in a house with six other dwarfs.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

My wife woke up just now. She was dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She was Tolkien in her sleep.

Old Macdonald got into debt and has to sell his farm. To pay off what he e-i-e-i owes.

I saw someone waving but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else. Don’t think I’m cut out to be a lifeguard.

My old mate always used to say "out with the old and in with the new." Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer.

One of my New Year resolutions for 2021 is to get inside a tyre and roll down a hill every day. It’s going to be a Goodyear.

I thought I’d heard Tubular Bells on my farm this winter, but it was just my cold field (you may want to say that back a few times!)

*If you want to send more Dad jokes in for future chapters, please email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

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