Dad jokes are back! Let us give you a pre-Christmas chuckle

A snowman on display outside Hartdale Motors

A snowman on display outside Hartdale Motors - Credit: Mike Smith

The Dad jokes are back!

We started publishing the cheesy funnies at the start of the original lockdown to help put smiles on faces at the toughest of times.

And as we near the Christmas season we thought it was time to bring them back.

Hopefully they'll make you laugh and give you something to share with your loved ones as you meet up over the festive season.

So here goes:

Just seen a snowman in Sainsbury's looking through the carrots. Think he was picking his nose.

Thanks to the recent storms, my wheelie bin has to go on a speed awareness course next week.


Generic - Binmen picture.
Council recycling feature at West Norfolk council depot, new 240 litres '

Generic - Binmen picture. Council recycling feature at West Norfolk council depot, new 240 litres 'recycling only' wheelie bins being collected. dust bin / dust bins / rubbish bin / garbage / dust bin man / dust bin men / bin collection / rubbish truck / bin lorry / dust cart / dust bin lorry / mess / dustbin / dust bin bags / dust bin bag - Credit: IAN BURT

Most Read

Due to the high winds, a bloke near us is having a garden sale tomorrow. He's got three trampolines, six patio chairs and four fence panels. New stuff arriving all the time.


Strong winds and high tides making huge waves at Cromer sea front. Picture: DENISE BRADLEY

Strong winds and high tides making huge waves at Cromer sea front. Picture: DENISE BRADLEY - Credit: Copyright: Archant 2020

And the gale blew the roof off a cheese factory in France. There's de brie everywhere.

My mate came top in a dungaree-wearing competition, so I suppose you could say he was the overall winner.

I just watched a horror film about a killer teabag. I was surprised it was only given a PG rating.

My mate is a pretty good ventriloquist. Even if he says so himself.


Former TV ventriloquist John Bouchier is now enjoying his retirement at Moorhouse Lodge in Huntingdon. 

Former TV ventriloquist John Bouchier is now enjoying his retirement at Moorhouse Lodge in Huntingdon. - Credit: Churchill Retirement Living

I've bought shares in a company that manufactures tennis rackets. I'm hoping for a good return.

Been on the phone with this message: "Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute saxophone solo!"

My jacuzzi has been stolen. The police have said that when they catch the thieves they'll be in hot water.


Jacuzzi and pool area at Greenwoods Hotel & Spa

Relax in the jacuzzi at Greenwood spa - Credit: Greenwoods Hotel & Spa

I'm bringing out a version of the Band Aid song called Duvet Know It's Christmas? It's a cover.

Just found out who's been stealing my beetroot. I caught them red handed.

My friend just bought his wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present, just a stocking filler.

I once owned an apple pie company. It made a great turnover.

48 years ago today my mate was born on a canal barge. It was his berth day.

Someone’s replaced my passport photo with a picture of a seasonal fruit and marzipan cake. I think my identity’s been stollen.

I just got back from the Asda sale. Got a great bargain. Shopping trolley for £1.

Our local dentist is doing half price teeth cleaning this week. It's Plaque Friday.

Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elf-is Presley.

What do you call buying a piano for the holidays? Christmas Chopin.

*If you want to submit your favourite jokes for future editions, please email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

Become a Supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Become a Supporter