Fond farewell to Norwegian dancefloor maestro, champion of the sick and frail in Norfolk, award-winning dietician, and mediocre chess and football player Nick Curding in “that London” - insert SEO here
- Credit: Archant
Mystery surrounds the sudden disappearance of a foreign menace who has been sighted causing havoc on dancefloors and football pitches across the city of Norwich Named locally as Norwegian-born migrant Niklaus Curding – officers believe he may have forged new links with the London area.
Grainy CCTV images have been released of his last known whereabouts – performing a flailing mating ritual at 4am in Bar Tapas.
He is described as a male in his mid 20s with dark, unkempt afro hair which police say 'you couldn't miss a mile off'
A spokesman for the force said: 'Members of the public are warned not to approach him as he is believed to have moves better than Jagger. This sort of behaviour may be well and good in Scandinavia, but we won't put up with it in 'ere Norfolk.'
Sources suggest Curding has a particular penchant for rotten whale meat which attracted him prowling to the shores of our county.
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The Environment Agency has announced it will have to find a new method to remove washed-up whale carcasses from the Norfolk coast following Mr Curding's departure.
Agency spokesman Tim Curtis, who also works for Norwich CCG, said: 'Nick has remarkably low standards when it comes to his diet, which made him ideal for this type of service.'
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Curding's sudden disappearance is also expected to be devastating for business in the city.
Eddie Gershon, spokesman for JD Wetherspoon, said the loss of Curding's trade has had an immediate impact.
'We have been forced to close the Bell Hotel indefinitely as a precaution,' he said. 'We had just put whale blubber and rotten trout on the new menu. Who else is going to eat that filth?'
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Beer is expected to be 20pc more watered down when the Bell reopens if Curding is not found.
Records show Curding has been known to frequent hospitals across the region in an unknown capacity, even stealing Christmas presents from the N&N children's ward and raiding hundreds of jars of stock from the Colman's factory, presumably his condiment of choice for giant sea creatures.
Despite his long list of misdemeanours, he will be missed.