Junk mail is fair enough - but please shut the gate

PUBLISHED: 15:04 05 November 2017

Leaflet deliverers of Norwich... this is what a closed gate looks like (OK, so maybe my real gate isn't opening to such leafy pastures - but you get my drift).

Leaflet deliverers of Norwich... this is what a closed gate looks like (OK, so maybe my real gate isn't opening to such leafy pastures - but you get my drift).

This content is subject to copyright.

For a person living on my own, I do get lots of visitors. I must be more popular than I look.

Unfortunately, most of them approach my door when I’m out.

I’m not inventing imaginary friends: I know people have nipped round because they leave calling cards - and, almost without fail, are unable to close the gate behind them.

(The postman also leaves the gate open. It’s not a tricky gate - just a lever in a slot. Not that I’m burning with fury about it, though...)

Anyway, back to the calling cards. In the last four days, I have received 13.

They all include nice messages and a contact number:

- Want to get your business noticed? Call 01603 3****6;

- Would you like to sell your house this month? CALL NOW ON 01603 9****0 RIGHT NOW!

Lots of my kind callers are offering to deliver food and drink to my door for nothing but the price of the food and drink. Perhaps a rumour is getting around that I’m sad and lonely?

You’ve probably worked out by now that I get a constant stream of junk mail thrust through my letterbox by people with a gate-operating deficiency.

It happens pretty much every day.

I guess it’s rather a waste of money, but it’d be a bit rich for someone working in the newspaper industry to make that accusation.

I’m more bothered by the constant temptation.

I’m not naturally svelte: I have to work hard even to look out of condition. It’s not easy to eat healthily, partly because I can’t be bothered to cook when I get in from work.

I’m vulnerable, and I fear I’m being targeted by takeaways and supermarkets.

They know how much I’d love a steakwich, a 12in stuffed-crust margherita hot, doner meat with chips and cheese, a Ferrero Temptation sundae, or a 
king prawn satay with prawn balls.

My mouth is watering as I write this, but fortunately I’m playing football in an hour, so my wallet and waistline are safe.

Actually, in 14 months of living in Norwich I have had a grand total of one takeaway.

But I do wish the local purveyors of carbs, cholesterol and salt would quit trying to get me off the wagon.

I know, there is something I could do about it.

I could put up a sign on my door, declaring: ‘No junk mail, no hawkers, no person-distracting-me-while-accomplice-nips-in-and-nicks-my-1970s-pouffe, no Jehovah’s Witnesses, no woman, no cry.’

But those signs send a message to the world that you are a loner who keeps your curtains drawn in the daytime and who has never spoken to someone of the 
opposite sex.

Ok, there’s more than a grain of truth in it, but I’d sooner not advertise it.

Instead, I’d prefer that the many businesses which do leaflet drops would stop - it’s not how I buy things.

The exception will be if someone shuts my gate: I’ll get a takeaway from the first deliverer who can manage that.


Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Eastern Daily Press visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Eastern Daily Press staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Eastern Daily Press account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

Most Read

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to the following newsletters:

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Our Privacy Policy

Latest from the EDP

Hot Jobs

Show Job Lists

Partly Cloudy

Partly Cloudy

max temp: 8°C

min temp: 5°C

Listen to the latest weather forecast