Pam Ann - Flying High

Norwich Playhouse

> Norwich Playhouse

Pam Ann, airline hostess and stand-up extraordinaire, has been winging her way around the globe like you wouldn't believe.

Sellout shows in Soho, television appearances with Anne Robinson . . . but it wasn't till last night that she landed right here at the Playhouse.

From the very first moment, I realised that this was not a flight for a nervous passenger like myself.

The lifejackets, I heard, would provide no protection (although they were designed by Chanel); instead of oxygen masks there were karaoke mikes, and extra fuel above each wing ensured instant explosion in the event of light impact.

As I clutched at the seat in apprehension, Pam fed my deepest fears. Chicken flu, terrorist attacks, airline food: everything capable of causing a panic attack got a look-in.

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And even worse than the fear of certain death, was the sense that, sat as I was at the back of the auditorium, by Pam Ann standards I was economy class. No reclining seats for me, no champagne or tinkling ice swans.

With her white high-heeled boots and clinical blue uniform, this airline autocrat wouldn't stop till the whole audience was safely terrorised. If she were put in a real airline lounge, carbon emissions would sink by half.

A great night out for the stout of heart!

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