Our top TV pick: The Apprentice
The Apprentice S13 2016. Photo: BBC/Boundless - Credit: BBC/Boundless
Dun-duh-durrr-duh-durrr-duh-durrr-duh...unless you've been living under a rock since 2005 and have only recently emerged, you're unlikely to be able to listen to Sergei Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights without a looming image of Sir Alan Sugar invading your brain.
The Apprentice is back for a new series with a new batch of egotistical sycophants desperate to impress the Lord of Darkness and persuade him to part with a wedge of cash so they can start a new business.
Armed with wheelie suitcases, power suits and resumes packed with cringeworthy gems such as 'I'm like a shark, right at the top of the food chain. I take what I want, when I want. I truly am the reflection of perfection' and 'I pride myself on not having negative or bad traits, they're all good, they're all positive', the contestants have the kind of self-belief normally reserved for lunatics and toddlers.
Tonight, Lord Sugar – the man who we are only just forgiving for unleashing Katie Hopkins on the world –begins his latest search for a chip-off-the-old-block rough diamond to polish.
The winners of The Apprentice haven't always gone to forge long-lasting relationships with Sir Alan, but triumphing in the show can certainly give them a leg up on the entrepreneurial ladder: last year's winner Joseph Valente used his prize to expand his plumbing business, and predecessor Mark Wright launched an SEO business called Climb Online.
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So who are the candidates that will be tasked with donning pinnies over their a shiny suits to flog fish fingers to stockbrokers in the City this year? It's a surefire bet that amongst their number will be a considerable number of people you'd hesitate to open a door for.
The first thing each of them did was film their taxi exit. Everyone films that at the beginning of the process so even the winner has a 'loser' scene, it's just never aired.
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Expect the classic challenges to feature – a trade show, an advertising task, some kind of test which forces Lord Sugar to talk about apps and the gruelling interview stage.
• The Apprentice is on BBC1 tonight at 9pm.
