Strictly Come Dancing: What you missed this week
- Credit: BBC / Guy Levy
After the line-up announcement, the launch show, the highlights show AND a whole week of contestants dancing without any peril of a public vote, we have finally parted ways with a celebrity on Strictly Come Dancing 2018.
Were we surprised Lee was in the dance off? A little bit.
Did Darcey accidentally flash her pants to camera? The jury's out.
Was that same-sex group dance in the results show long overdue? You bet.
Want to know what happened without the three-hour spandex experience beamed into your brain? You're missing out - but here's the inside scoop:
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Constantine, we hardly knew ye
Craig said it best: 'Even the smoke around your feet couldn't hide that dance disaster.'
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Foxtrotting in ankle-height dry ice was not to be the saviour of this year's novelty act, as Susannah Constantine was hauled around the dance floor by a confused Anton Du Beke.
After the judges' verbal roasting, The Winkleman pressed her on how she danced so badly that she befuddled her professional partner, and the nation discovered that sometimes the TV presenter 'glazes over' mid-dance.
One day, I too hope my paycheck is so big that performing a brand-new skill on national television leaves me bored #Goals
Shirley, you can't be serious
Statistic time: Only five times in 16 series' of the show has Craig given a dance a 10 without that dance getting a 40.
Basically, if Craig likes it, you're golden.
Enter Shirley Ballas - disrupting the fragile balance of the judges with her rabbit-in-headlight stare, technical feedback and inability to walk to a spot on time.
Darcey threw herself between a spat to silence Craig and Shirley as tempers flared during comments on Faye and Giovanni's Viennese Waltz, and Shirley scored them lower than the other three judges to boos from the audience.
Craig is know for being harsh, Darcey is fair, Bruno is generous, and apparently Shirley is a loose cannon - she's only been on the show for one series and she's ruffing some feathers, long may it continue.
Popstars: The Rivals
If you believe everything you see on the leader board, you'll think there's only two possible winners of this show: Ashley Roberts or Faye Tozer.
Pussycat Doll Ashley has impressed twice with and walked away with the highest scores from the judges, but sweetheart of a nation Faye from Steps also looks like she is capable of winning the competition.
We hope someone comes to challenge these two, because watching two young, fit, musically-aware popstars files in the face of everything Strictly stands for.
Give me Ed Balls and Gangnam Style any day. Speaking of which...
Mind The (Popularity) Gap
They don't have to be the best dancers to say in the competition on Strictly, and a gaggle of popular characters look like they're in this for the long haul.
Dangling near the bottom of the table, Stacey Dooley looks worried about her time on the show, but her popularity with the viewers will probably give her the time to iron out the kinks on the dance floor and give her a fighting chance.
Points front the judges don't hurt though - Joe Sugg and Dany John Jules could be dancing until Christmas with their strong scores, supported by an army of younger viewers and their parents respectively.
The smiley Dr. Ranj, the giddy Lee from Blue, the lovely Kate Silverton and actual Adonis Charles Venn have the popular scruples and physical dance moves to go the distance too.
Testing Tess Daly
Maybe it's the depressing reality of waking up next to Vernon Kay grinding her down, but Tess' banter with the judges, contestants, Claudia and the audience is becoming more wooden by the second.
It's either the presenter of the script she's given, but she seems to be lacking any humanity, almost as frightened in front of camera as poor Katie Piper.
In a brief glimpse behind the coat hanger smile, Daly fought the urge to corpse on camera after one if her co-host's jokes about small umbrellas (truly Saturday night family television at it's finest).
Ship in Zoe Ball from It Takes Two and save us all the trouble of rolling our eyes at another groaner, please dear BBC.
So who's going next week?
It's Movie Week next week. For the uninitiated, this means half the dances will be classy, classic ballads, and the other half will be over-costumed stomps on the floorboards.
Katie Piper has danced badly twice, and her nerves make her very difficult to watch. Viewers at home may give her a sympathy boot.
Graeme Swann seems to have decided to stick to dad dance moves, which is a waste of his partner Oti Mabuse's talents. It's not much to look at and he cold go too.
Seann Walsh is also not safe, but his earnest charm and gentle ribbing from fellow comic Romesh Ranganathan on Saturday night may give him enough time to learn a few steps. He has just made it through his cheesy comedy-club Jive as well, so could be in line for an easier crowd pleaser next week.
Did you think Susannah should have been voted off? Have we given everyone a fair trial? Let us know in the comments!