Merry Brexmas: What to expect as Norfolk goes to the polls
PUBLISHED: 20:37 29 October 2019 | UPDATED: 14:41 30 October 2019
PA Wire/PA Images
Is a general election the Christmas present no-one wanted? What to expect from the weeks of political chicanery ahead ...
No baby will be safe from the puckered lips of our politicians as the scramble to finally win the battle of Brexit kicks off.
Expect to be bombarded with leaflets - you might want to invest in a bigger recycling bin now.
And prepare for even more Brexit. With bells on - from the Conservatives at least.
Labour's party line on leaving the European Union will stick throughout: "Put Jeremy Corbyn in Number 10 and he will renegotiate a better deal and put it back to the people." Beyond that though Labour will be keen to talk about the issues that saw them almost topple the Tories last time: austerity, re-nationalisation and the NHS.
But for Boris Johnson it will be all about Brexit. Yes there will be lots of other items in the manifesto - they will be hoping it is not as gloomy as 2017's effort - but Mr Johnson's message will be clear and you will be sick to death of hearing it. The Tories believe they can win by promising to get Brexit over the line.
Mr Johnson is convinced - with good reason - that the public is so sick of the B word they will vote for the candidate who wants to sort it the quickest. Whatever the cost.
This will be Britain's third general election in five years. Remember when David Cameron said the Fixed-Term Parliament Act offered stability and regular five yearly votes? Hasn't really panned out has it?
Here are a few things we can expect without doubt - general election bingo if you like.
1 - There will be a furious row over televised debates. Someone won't want to do them and whoever that is will be followed around by a junior tabloid journalist dressed as a chicken.
2 - New candidate, after new candidate will wish they had thought twice before taking to social media after a few too many drinks years ago. There will be red faces all around.
3 - Houghton and Sunderland South will be the first to declare its result on election night. And no-one else will care or understand why they bother.
For politicos like me general elections are a lot of fun. But I understand why the general public might be weary as we enter this one. Brexit has changed our politics and not for the better in many respects.
But, even though this newspaper would never dream of telling you how to vote, I would urge everyone to register and vote on December 12.