'I hear Kaiden's tiny voice call me to his room and realise I'm not alone' - Norfolk mum on life with a terminally ill child
PUBLISHED: 12:24 24 August 2018 | UPDATED: 12:39 24 August 2018
Norfolk mother Kyra Welch writes about her experiences with her terminally ill four-year-old son Kaiden Griffin. Kaiden, who grew up in North Creake, near Fakenham, and now lives in Holt, has a Congenital Heart Defect...
This is the brutality of living with mental health and having a terminally ill child. I have problems. I will never be good enough. I can’t do this. Every day things like this go through my mind. I’ve suffered quietly, very quietly with mental health for a few years now. Living with this and having a child like Kaiden as you can imagine doesn’t go well, yeah I have good days but most days are a struggle, my life is a bit of a struggle. It’s easy for me to spend hours choosing the perfect picture to post on social media to keep up my perfect appearance so everyone can see that. In reality? I live a nightmare. I struggle daily, I watch Kaiden play and I watch him smile and I tell myself that he deserves better, I tell myself If it wasn’t for me he would be living a perfectly normal life. That’s not me asking for sympathy that’s me struggling, the voice inside my head tells me this, there are days I know it’s not true but other days the voice in my head is shouting all this and more at me. Most days I struggle to leave the house, I fear that I’ll have to see people and talk to them, social anxiety at its best. I can’t even go to the doctors to pick up my son’s medicine without taking half an hour to mentally prepare myself. I can’t make eye contact with people in the street, I can’t make conversation with people I don’t know. On some days I won’t leave my house because I know that I’ll have to face something I don’t want to. These are the bad days. The bad days are the worst, the voice in my head is shouting at me before I’ve even opened my eyes, There have been times I’ve just broke down and feel like I can’t cope anymore, then I’ve gone to my son’s room and I’ve watched him sleep and I remembered why I was here, why I was living this life. But every morning I lay in bed and wait for this tiny voice to call me through to his room and I realise I am not alone. I have Kaiden, and what more could I want. I struggle every day, but it’s okay. I live this life but then I tell my self I’m living this life because I’m strong enough to live it and I get through another day. I don’t believe you should believe all you see on social media because it’s just what people want you to see. The good parts of their life. I’m not saying talking about this will make the voice in my head go away I think it will be there for a long time, but I want you to know if your out there struggling too, it is okay not to be okay.