‘How will I cope when you’re gone?’ Norfolk mum Kyra Welch on her life with a terminally ill child
- Credit: Copyright: Archant 2018
Norfolk mother Kyra Welch writes about her experiences with her terminally ill four-year-old son Kaiden Griffin. Kaiden, who grew up in North Creake, near Fakenham, and now near Holt, has a Congenital Heart Defect...
I wonder what life will be like after you leave.
I try not to let it cross my mind or think of it but how can I not?
How can I not think about the time that's been looming over our heads like a dark cloud for the past few years?
If I can't sleep I often come and sit beside your bed and watch you, then I cry, and then watch you some more.
To me, you are my world, my everything and one day I will be left with nothing?
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One day I'm going to wake up and my house will be so empty and quiet, from a house that was once filled with laughter and happiness, it will be so lonely.
Will I still be able to call my self a mum? Which I was once but now I'm not? I often wonder how I'll cope, will I shut myself away from the world or will I try to carry on as normal life as I can?
How will I adjust to no longer doing the school run or nagging at you in the morning because you refuse to get dressed?
How am I going to look at your tiny school uniform and know it will never be worn again?
Every little thing in the house will make me think of you, from the time we first moved in and you helped paint the walls, to the time a few months after I found you drawing on them!
To all the times I carried you to the bathroom at night and you used to sleep talk to the toilet roll.
But I don't really see our house and a home because sometimes home is somebody's smile, and to me your smile is home.
How will I ever feel at home again once you've gone?