Dad jokes (part 3) to keep you smiling in the tough times
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We know life is proving really tough in so many ways - but we’re increasingly finding people are enjoying a bit of light relief from the worrying news.
So here goes with episode three of the Dad jokes. Sit back (and hopefully) have a laugh....
*My mate put his bins out at 8pm last Thursday. He couldn’t believe that everyone was on their doorsteps clapping and cheering him.
*Let’s all show our appreciation for Amazon drivers at this time by clapping on our doorsteps sometime between 7am and 8pm on Wednesday,
*2020. The year your bin goes out more than you do.
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*I just got a job as a cuckoo in a cuckoo clock. It’s not great, but it gets me out of the house.
*I just turned down a job delivering for my local fruit and veg shop. They offered to pay me in vegetables, but the celery was unacceptable.
- 1 Norfolk to feature in Steven Spielberg's Second World War TV series
- 2 Historic seaside pub reveals £60,000 B&B rooms
- 3 Couple turn grain store into 'James Bond' home
- 4 Partner pays tribute to 'love of my life' after Thorpe stabbing
- 5 'Disappointment' for town centre with McDonald's branch closure
- 6 Third time lucky? Couple's plea after dream wedding day cancelled again
- 7 Slight increase in Norfolk coronavirus rates after restrictions eased
- 8 WATCH: Air ambulances can't land after hospital helipad wrecked by US aircraft
- 9 Homeowner punched and kicked after finding burglar stealing items from shed
- 10 Couple reveal reason for closing 30-year-old firm
*Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
*My mate’s wife has run off with his Bob Marley record collection and also his satellite dish. Poor bloke - no woman, no Sky.
*I once went for a job interview to be the fourth band member of A-Ha but they refused to take on me.
*Neil Diamond makes the same healthy smoothie every morning - Swede, carrots, lime.
*A bloke was in court for stealing a calendar. He got 12 months.
*I saw an advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.’
*Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.
*I went in to a pet shop. I said: ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said: ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said: ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’
*A guy I know got daffodil bulbs mixed up with his onions. He made a Spanish omelette with them and had to be rushed to hospital. They reckon he’ll be out in the spring.
*How does the German baker greet his customers? Gluten Morgen.
*My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic. I told her “I think you mean fewer.”
*What’s a marsupial’s favourite cocktail? A pina koala.
*What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce? Chicken Ceaser Salad.
*Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
*And finally....(here’s one to take the mickey out of myself). What do you call a magician thats lost his magic? Ian.
*If you want to share a joke, please email me at email@example.com or tweet me at @IanClarke41.