And now some grandad jokes to keep you smiling in lockdown
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Here’s the natural follow-up to our series of Dad Jokes designed to raise chuckles among readers during lockdown.
Members of the More Venerable Brigade confined to barracks feel the need to emphasise they have a keen sense of humour as well, not least when it comes to laughing at themselves.
So, full-time Cromer resident and storytelling legend in his own imagination, KEITH SKIPPER offers a selection of favourite Grandad Jokes picked up from kindred Norfolk spirits over the years.
(And the next chapter of Dad jokes will be with you soon!)
What do you call it when bunch of grandads clap? Menapplause
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You know you’re getting on a bit when the bank sends your free calendar one month at a time.
Dear old grandad did the hokey-cokey. He put his left hip out - and it stayed out.
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My grandad is extremely clever. He can have amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. He says: “I think I’ve forgotten this before”.
As my grandpa got older he realised there were only three styles for his hair – parted, un-parted and departed.
A bishop visited a small Norfolk village church to find a smaller than usual congregation. “Did you tell them I was coming?” he asked the ancient verger. “No, ole partner,” he replied. “But word must have got out somehow”.
Grandad is 97 but goes to the gym and asks if he can join aerobics classes. The instructor says: “I don’t think that’s a good idea” and looks him up and down. “Just how flexible are you?” Grandad smiles and replies “Oh, very - but I can’t do Thursday mornings”.
My grandad is a bit forgetful but still likes to give me advice. One day he took me aside – and left me there.
Must be getting old. I like to sleep with my bedside lamp on. My missus reckons I’m mad. I don’t see why. I think it makes a great hat.
First old man: “My memory’s very short. Would you mind telling me your name again?”. Second old man: “How soon do you need to know?”
Veteran tripper on Cromer beach: “If you roll up your trousers and stand by the sea, it sounds just like putting a shell to your ear”.
My crusty old grandad walked into a bakery and asked for a book on wrong places.
That’s nothing. My grandad was so stubborn that when he died he left a won’t.
Experience can be a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
My grandpa was so worried he went on holiday to forget everything. And when he opened his suitcase - he found he had.
Another way of telling you are getting old .. you sit in the rocking-chair – and you can’t get it to go.
Two old Norfolk boys are mardling in the pub. “What are you up to these days to keep fit?” asks Jack. “Oh, I’m still playing wartime golf,” says Jim. “What on earth’s that?” “You know – out in 39, back in 45”.