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Dad jokes part 18 to give you a chuckle in the summer holidays

PUBLISHED: 08:58 07 August 2020 | UPDATED: 10:49 07 August 2020

Heard the one about my new beard trimmer? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Antonio Diaz

Heard the one about my new beard trimmer? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Antonio Diaz

Antonio Diaz

It’s hot, hot, hot and important to chill out and take things easy.

There were two lions walking down St Stephens Street.......Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Katja ForsterThere were two lions walking down St Stephens Street.......Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Katja Forster

So what better way of relaxing in the summer than enjoying some more cheesy gags?
So here goes with Dad jokes part 18.

My mate opened an origami shop but in a month it had folded.

Heard the joke about the fly on the wall documentary? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/photointrigue/David WoodHeard the joke about the fly on the wall documentary? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/photointrigue/David Wood

I love my electric razor. It’s the best thing since sliced beard.

I’ve been invited to a hair-washing party. I can’t think of an excuse not to go.

Did I tell you my dog is learning Spanish? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/sanjagrujicDid I tell you my dog is learning Spanish? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/sanjagrujic

My friend’s wife said to him: “You’re so unromantic. I bet you don’t even know what my favourite flower is.” “Is it Homepride?” probably wasn’t the best answer.

I used to have a job as a pantomime horse, but quit while I was a head.

What do you call a group of people on a sofa watching a Zoom meeting? A punnet - because they are all sat zoomas.

I used to be able to buy a helium filled balloon at the card shop for £5.29. They are now £5.99. That’s inflation for you.

Two lions were walking down St Stephens Street in Norwich on a Saturday morning. One said to the other: “There aren’t many people about are there?”

A barman passed me a free drink, saying it was from the guy over in the corner who claimed to be in my class at primary school. Looking around the bar, I said: “Which guy?” He said: “The bloke over there with the beard.” I said: “Nobody in my class had a beard!”

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I sent a clown to deliver some flowers to my wife. I thought it would be a romantic jester.

I’ve just watched an interesting factual TV programme about a man who tries to hit insects with a rolled up newspaper. It was a fly-on-the-wall documentary.

My Spanish bodybuilder friend told me he’s run out of protein powder. I thought “no whey Jose’”

The DFS sale has been going for so long even Charles Dickens wrote a story about the time he went there. The Tale of Two Settees.

To keep me busy I’m building a machine that distributes herbs around a dining table. Its not much, but it passes the thyme.

Heard about the guy whoo went out drinking with the Beach Boys? He said it was alright until he asked whose round it was.

I’ve just seen a guy running down the road with a cape on. I shouted: “Are you a Superhero?” He replied: “No. I haven’t paid for my haircut.”

My first ever job was working in Argos but I was completely hopeless at it and made lots of mistakes. It was a catalogue of disasters.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81. He said “no”

I have a Tupperware joke. But the punchline doesn’t fit - it’s from another Tupperware joke.

“My dog’s learning to speak a foreign language.” “Español?” “No, he’s a labrador.”

*If you want to add a joke to the collection, email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.


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