Dad jokes (part 16) to help keep you smiling
PUBLISHED: 12:00 07 July 2020 | UPDATED: 12:25 07 July 2020
Lockdown easing is well underway and we’re all seeing a few more people.
So what better way to entertain them than by sharing some Dad jokes? (ok, I know what you’re thinking).
Anyway, here’s chapter 16 and thanks for your continued support and kind messages.
My favourite of the week was from Peter Sephton from Sheffield who sends the cheesy gag on to friends and family in Milton Keynes, Tenerife and Bangkok “to make them smile or groan!”
My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music. I said, “Didja redo it?”
Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon.
I’ve just finished building a car using a motor from a washing machine. I’m going to take it for a spin later.
Breaking News: Thieves have stolen all the wheels off the local constabulary panda cars in Aylsham. A spokesman for Norfolk Police said that they are working tirelessly to find the culprits.
Walking into the supermarket the other day there was man on his way out with a lettuce sticking out from the the top of his shirt, I pointed it out to him and he said: “That’s just the tip of the iceberg” .
Got thrown out of Mime Club yesterday. Think it was something I said.
What did the sand say as the tide came in? Hey, long time no sea.
How do you keep a person in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow.
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My friend took his sheepdog to the beach but he wasn’t allowed on. Apparently it was a Ban Collie Day.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies.
During the war if MI5 looked after Churchill and the CIA looked after Roosevelt, who looked after de Gaulle? De Gaullekeeper.
Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears? A right ear, a left ear and a wild frontier.
I think that my pony is developing a slight cough. Well, he is a little hoarse.
I didn’t understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down. And then the penne dropped.
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a Sign on it saying: ”Free to good home. You want it, you take it.” For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: “Fridge for sale, £25.” The next day someone stole it.
Italian police surrounded a protester encampment after one of the protesters developed symptoms of the virus, telling them no-one would be allowed out for 14 days. A headline in a local newspaper read: “Tent In Qarantino”
My mate just sent me this message: “My neighbour rang on my doorbell at 3am this morning. Can you believe it? Luckily I was still up playing the drums.”
I recently got rid of all my Dusty Springfield records and memorabilia, but now I just don’t know what to do with my shelf.
A piece of string goes up to a pub bar and asks for a pint. “We don’t serve pieces of string in here,” says the barman. The piece of string goes out, ruffles his hair, goes back in and makes the same request. The barman repeats his refusal but asks: “You are a piece of string, aren’t you?” “No, I’m a frayed knot” was the reply.
My Nordic friend Alfred really went off on one when expressing his views about the waste of money in space exploration. I marked the occasion with a sign: “Space. The Finn Alf rant here.”
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