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Dad jokes season 13 for more lockdown laughs

And so I started a new job as a delivery driver.....

And so I started a new job as a delivery driver.....

Archant

This could prove unlucky for some if you’re not a fan of cringe.

Swallowing those Scrabble pieces could spell a problem. Picture by SIMON FINLAY.Swallowing those Scrabble pieces could spell a problem. Picture by SIMON FINLAY.

But the pun lovers can enjoy 20 more cheesy gags as we reach number 13 in the Dad joke lockdown series.

Here goes.....

I was working at the zoo the other day and got bitten by a turtle so I decided to claim. The lawyer asked me: “Have you been ninjared at work?”

Being bitten by a turtle is no laughing matter. Picture: DENISE BRADLEYBeing bitten by a turtle is no laughing matter. Picture: DENISE BRADLEY

The other night I was expecting an important phone call, so I slept with my mobile under the pillow. When I woke up, it was gone and there was just a shiny new 50p piece where I’d left it. Must have been that blue-tooth fairy.

A lorry load of Brillo pads was stolen from near Holt last night. Police are currently scouring the area.

Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a supermarketDoctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a supermarket

I was walking past the fridge when I thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song, but when I opened the door it was only the chives talking.

“Doctor doctor I keep thinking I’m a supermarket.” ““How long have you felt like this?” “Ever since I was Lidl.”

One for me, and one for the road. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoOne for me, and one for the road. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Police have found some lost luggage on a desert island. They say it’s an isolated case.

I used to work for British Rail in the lost luggage depot and was accused of stealing. Police said it was an open and shut case.

Should agoraphobia be brought out into the open?

Where did Nicholas Romanov get his coffee? Tsarbucks.

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What do Winnie the Pooh and Attila the Hun have in common? They’ve got the same middle name.

What is a ghost’s favourite football position? Ghoulkeeper.

I’ve accidentally swallowed some scrabble squares. Going to the loo could spell trouble.

I started a new job as a delivery driver and the first address I went to deliver a parcel to had a note on the door which said: “Please hide in the garage.” So I did and eight hours later no-one has found me yet.

The other day, I went to KFC. I didn’t know Kentucky had a football club.

What did the caretaker say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him and it turns out that he’s a British Airways pilot who has been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash. He made a lovely job of the landing.

An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

A man walked into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and said: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

What do you call a frenchman with no shoes? Philip Flop.

A milk tanker has overturned and shed its load on the A11 near Wymondham. Drivers are requested not to cry.

*If you want to submit an offering, please email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.


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