More Dad jokes to ensure you'll be laughing around the Christmas tree

Figures of Saint Joseph, the Virgin Mary and the newborn baby Jesus.

Figures of Saint Joseph, the Virgin Mary and the newborn baby Jesus. - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

With more restrictions in place and concerns over Covid levels, we all need a bit of a pre-Christmas boost.

So how about enjoying some Dad jokes and having a chuckle with family and friends?

Here goes - and thanks to those readers who have contributed some of their favourites.

Why couldn't Mary and Joseph make a video call to the shepherds and Wise Men when baby Jesus was born? There was no Zoom at the Inn.

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.


Baytree of Hilgay garden centre is one of the places you can see real reindeer.

Baytree of Hilgay garden centre is one of the places you can see real reindeer in Norfolk this Christmas. - Credit: Will Wallis

What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show.


Queen Elizabeth II recording her Christmas Day message at Buckingham Palace. Christmas will be diffe

The Queen will have a much reduced family gathering if she spends Christmas at Sandringham. - Credit: PA

Where does Father Christmas always stay when he goes on any holiday? At the ho-ho-ho-tel.


Father Christmas saves the day at Penshurst Place (photo: Maryann Webster)

Father Christmas saves the day at Penshurst Place (photo: Maryann Webster) - Credit: Archant

What carol is heard in the desert? "O camel ye faithful."

Most Read

Who delivers Christmas presents to cats and dogs? Santa Paws.

How does a Spanish sheep say Happy Christmas? Fleece Navidad.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia.

My mate is opening a chain of Elvis-themed steak restaurants. It will be for people who love meat tender.

I asked my scuba diving instructor if I would pass the exam. He said: "Don't hold your breath."

A bloke I know went for a job interview and was asked to state his biggest weakness in three words. "Not very good at maths," he replied.

I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. They just kept bragging about how good they are at the game. There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

My books fell out of the bookcase. I only have my shelf to blame.

Breaking news: All Pirates have been asked to self isolate due to sudden increases in the Arrr rate.

I was surprised to learn that a new library had been built in our town. They kept that quiet.

I asked the ice cream man for an ice cream. “Hundreds and thousands?” he asked. "One will fine, thanks," I replied.

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Feyoncé.

A mate of mine enjoys stretching elastic bands to the point just before they break. I told him to snap out of it.

Why do the Norwegians put barcodes on their battleships? So they can Scandinavian.

Never buy birdseed from Amazon. They always ask for their feed back.

*To submit your contributions, email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

Become a Supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Become a Supporter