Dad jokes chapter 24 (but are they are a trick or a treat?)

Can anyone help with a cat pun? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/nensuria

Can anyone help with a cat pun? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/nensuria - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

So are they are a trick or a treat? Well, as we publish the latest chapter of the Dad jokes as Halloween arrives again, you can decide!

Who is the patron saint of checking bread rolls? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/tylim

Who is the patron saint of checking bread rolls? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/tylim - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Just had a text from my mate, He said: “I’m in trouble with my wife again. I bought her some lorry oil for her birthday. Apparently it’s pronounced ‘L’Oreal’.”

People at the local chicken farm think the place is haunted. Experts believe it is a poultry-geist.

Don't ask the wrong questions over hair cuts. Picture: Koldunova_Anna/Getty Images/iStockphoto

Don't ask the wrong questions over hair cuts. Picture: Koldunova_Anna/Getty Images/iStockphoto - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Did you know that the patron saint of checking if your bread rolls are ready to come out of the oven is St John the Bap Test?

My mate’s wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of the stuff. He said it’s enough to make a mango crazy.

Heard the one about the tiramsu? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Fascinadora

Heard the one about the tiramsu? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Fascinadora - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto


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Entered my photo of Orion’s Belt into a local art competition. I didn’t win, but I did get a constellation prize.

I’m struggling to put together a decent cat related pun today. I need someone to show meow.

I was raking it in collecting leaves. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Creative-Family

I was raking it in collecting leaves. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto/Creative-Family - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

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Our local vicar hasn’t been seen today so I have phoned Missing Parsons.

I couldn’t find any Oxo cubes in my local shop today - they must be out of stock.

I ordered a thesaurus from a well known on-line seller, but when it was delivered all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man cooking sliced potatoes in hot oil. I asked him: “Are you the friar?” He replied “No, I’m the chip monk.”

I saw a couple walking round the supermarket with a barcode wrapped around them. I went over and asked: “Are you two an item?”

Took my car in for a service yesterday. The vicar at the church was not impressed.

I was on the beach and got hit by a massive wave of cake. It was a tiramisunami.

Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries? Because the prose outweigh the cons.

I used to have a job collecting leaves. I was raking it in.

Are vegetarian pasties made in Quornwall?

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.

My friend’s husband asked her earlier before going to the hairdressers: “What cut do you think would make me more attractive?” “A power cut” was apparently was the wrong answer.

Why did the Ant climb the gangway? To get to the Dec.

*If you want to add your jokes for future editions, email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.

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