Dad jokes chapter 31 to keep you smiling in lockdown

Rabbit.

Heard the joke about Sir Elton John's bunny rabbit? - Credit: BRITTANY WOODMAN

We know it's tough as lockdown continues and we cannot do so many of the things we love in life.

There are so many sad things in the news - so we feel we all need to have an excuse to laugh.

So here goes with the latest Dad jokes - and thanks to all the many people who have sent some in.

Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill and rowing machine. He's a little fit bunny.

Sir Elton John in concert at Holkham Hall.

Sir Elton John singing about his little fit bunny....... - Credit: IAN BURT

What do you get if you cross a meal, a French town, a cold box, some stretchy material and some literature on hot continental cuisine?  Supper. Calais. Fridge. Elastic. Spicy Spanish Brochures. 


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I was in the car park at NNUH and it said: 'Thieves operate here."  I know they're short of doctors, but that doesn't sound good.

My mate has become so bored in lockdown he got himself a job working in a full size cuckoo clock. It's not great, but at least it gets him out the house.

Cuckoo clock.

My mate has got himself a lockdown job working in a cuckoo clock. - Credit: DENISE BRADLEY

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I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.  Turns out it was the fridge.

I'm not saying my mate is old, but he went to an antiques auction and people were bidding on him.  

I've just been invited to join Slimming World's website and I was asked to accept cookies... I think it's a test.

Salted nutella cookies at The Cuppie Hut on Norwich Market. Picture: DENISE BRADLEY

I think Slimming World are trying to trick me. - Credit: DENISE BRADLEY

One minute you're young and fun.  The next, you're turning down the car stereo to see better.  

Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now on I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.  

Did you see that story about the archaeological dig that's finally unveiled who built King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference.

There's a new type of head lice going around which is resistant to conventional treatments.. It has left scientists scratching their heads.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad!

Chickens.

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad? - Credit: Sonya Duncan

A couple of my mates are having a joint party for Chinese New year and Burns Night. It's called Chinese Burns night. I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm.

My mate Hugh says he won't make the U2 concert with me next summer. Sad, but I'm still gonna go. With or without Hugh.

Neckwear competitions are useless. The result is usually a tie.

Did you know that soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called "Bear" who wrote telephone hold music?

Bread is a lot like the sun – it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Artisan bread.

Why is bread like the sun? - Credit: DANIELLE BOODEN

I took part in a weather puns championship yesterday, and you'll never guess, I won the gold medal. I'm so thrilled. I actually beat the raining champion.

Silvia Nunes out with her umbrella, during heavy snowfall in Thetford. Picture: Ian Burt

I've done well in the weather puns competition. - Credit: IAN BURT

Someone has collapsed on the luggage carousel at Heathrow Airport. Medics at the scene report they are coming round slowly.

"What's the Wifi password?" "snowwhiteandthesevendwarfs" "Why is the password so long?" "It said it requires 8 characters!"

*If you have any jokes to share with us, please email: ian.clarke@archant.co.uk

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