Dad jokes (chapter 25) to keep you smiling in lockdown 2
PUBLISHED: 15:11 06 November 2020 | UPDATED: 16:23 06 November 2020
Here we go again...
The Dad jokes started in this newspaper when the first lockdown came in as a way of lifting the mood.
So, as we go through lockdown two, hopefully these will help put a smile on people’s faces.
My mate and his girlfriend went on their ninth date to see the latest Batman film. Their dates so far can be summarised as follows: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman.
Years ago I went to an Elton John concert and when it started to rain, so I tried to get my waterproof hat from my rucksack. Unfortunately the wind caught it and blew it away like a Kangol in the wind.
A woman took her daughter shopping in the city and they went to the pharmacists to buy toiletries. They saw a cat wandering around and assumed it was stray and took it home. When they got back the little girl said: “Look Dad - we got a puss in Boots.”
A husband had an accident with a vacuum cleaner and was taken to hospital. When his wife telephoned the hospital to find out how he was doing, she was told he is picking up nicely.
Juan had a childhood friend also called Juan. As they grew up, their lives took very different paths. Juan studied and became a successful lawyer while Juan got in with a bad crowd. When the rogue was arrested he contacted Juan to be his lawyer. On his way out to see him, his mother said: “Bye Juan, get Juan free.”
A man went to doctor and said: “I’ve not been feeling well, what can you recommend?” The doctor said: “Best thing for you is to complete a marathon.” The man replied: “A marathon? That’s well out of my league.” The doctor added: “Well, I guarantee you’ll feel better in the long run.”
Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: “oo, oo, oo, aah,aah,aah” The other monkey said: “Put some cold water in then.”
My friend has a pet cow to keep his lawn trimmed. It is a lawnmooer.
Breaking news: The origami museum has been broken into. More later as the story unfolds.
You may also want to watch:
Place a one foot cube of concrete in your lounge and walk round it two times a day. If a doctor asks if you have much exercise you can respond with: “I walk round the block twice a day.”
I am during the lockdown modifying a car to be driven by a washing machine motor. I’m taking it for a spin shortly.
Someone just messaged me to ask if I had any more puns about onions for him. I said “No, that’s shallot.”
Do air stewards and stewardesses wear plane clothes?
If you go for a job as a painter at an aircraft factory and get it have you passed the interview with flying colours?
I was thrown out of the audience of a Shakespearean play for behaving bardly.
I’m off to play a game of chess with a friend from Prague. He’s my check mate.
A friend told me an onion is the only vegetable that makes you cry so I hit him with a parsnip – that made his eyes water.
On Google I searched for lighters and it gave me 13,678 matches.
My mate had a mobile phone wedding - poor reception and one small bar in the corner.
I had to admire the bravery of the two men who erected the weather vane on Norwich Cathedral. or me, it was a steeple two far.
*If you have any jokes to add for future editions, email email@example.com.
If you value what this story gives you, please consider supporting the Eastern Daily Press. Click the link in the orange box above for details.