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Dad Jokes part 17 to keep you smiling during the summer

PUBLISHED: 12:23 17 July 2020 | UPDATED: 12:23 17 July 2020

Heard about the price of kids' meals at the Peace and Quiet cafe? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Heard about the price of kids' meals at the Peace and Quiet cafe? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Getty Images/iStockphoto

Are you ready for more Dad jokes then?
We’ve reached chapter 17 - so that’s 340 cheesy gags shared since we started.

Sad news about the Velcro founder....... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoSad news about the Velcro founder....... Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Enjoy this latest batch....

My mate has opened a restaurant called “Peace and Quiet” - Kids’ meals are £250.

I hear Bono likes a visit to Chinatown for a meal. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoI hear Bono likes a visit to Chinatown for a meal. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

A man fell into a display of 300 golf clubs at a sports shop in Yarmouth earlier today. Doctors have said that he should be ok but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Bono phoned me the other day to invite me out for dinner in London. He said: “I fancy Chinese, where do you recommend?” I replied: “Chinatown is good, it’s where the streets have chow mein.”

My mate has no sense of direction. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoMy mate has no sense of direction. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

A gorilla went into a bar and ordered a pint of Guinness. While drinking it, the barman went over and said: “You know but we don’t get many gorillas in here.” The gorilla replied: “I’m not surprised at 10 quid a pint.”

Breaking news: Cadbury’s have just delivered a giant chocolate bar to The Bank of England. It’s a massive Boost for the economy.

Avoid Alcatraz as a password. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoAvoid Alcatraz as a password. Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Bacon and eggs walked into a bar. The owner said; “Sorry we don’t serve breakfast.”

Did you hear about the man who bought a second-hand watch? He got it “on tick”.

What price a hair piece? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphotoWhat price a hair piece? Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto

I thought I’d have a little flutter yesterday, so I had a bet on three horses called “Sunshine”, “Moonlight” and “Good Times”. None of them won though. I blame it on the bookie.

I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they’ve started sending me threatening letters.

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My pet snake is 3.14 metres long. He’s a π thon.

I saw an advert saying; “Hairpieces from £5.” I thought: “That’s a small price toupee.”

My mate’s youngest son wants be the lead singer in an Ultravox tribute band. Personally, I don’t think he’s Midge Ure enough.

I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention. We were better than the Cure.

Just got the best score in Caribbean darts. 100 and Haiti.

I just changed my computer login password to “Alcatraz” and now the “Esc” button won’t work.

Thieves recently stole the toilet from Downham Market Police Station. When asked for a comment, the duty officer could only reply: “At present, police have nothing to go on.”

A new employee was once told if he worked hard, his name would be noticed by those in high places. He later discovered this comment related to those working on the 8th and 9th floors.

My mate’s wife was mad at the fact that he had no sense of direction. So he packed up his things and right.

The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP.

I went to see the world’s biggest fan yesterday. I was totally blown away.

*If you want to add a joke to future chapters, email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.


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