What to do when trendy talk gets on your wick

Baffled by the trendy phrases in the office? Keith Skipper has the perfect answer.... Picture: Anth

Baffled by the trendy phrases in the office? Keith Skipper has the perfect answer.... Picture: Anthony Devlin/PA Wire - Credit: PA

Keith Skipper has the perfect weapon to combat the tide of trendy babble that people speak these days - a bit of 'proper Norfolk'.

Isn't it incredibly fabulous and absolutely awesome how many brilliant and fantastic people can offer amazing and great comments on what some of us might regard as rather mundane issues and topics?

Right, you guys, this is a worst-case scenario, that's for sure, and I'd be really gutted, like, at this moment in time if someone came on board who is well good at saying 'What we are saying is…' and then saying nothing at all.

You can probably tell by my body language how uptight I am about what's happening, y'know, to the simple art of communication. In fact, I'm gobsmacked, sort of, and ready to touch base with forces of redemption or roll myself to oblivion on a level playing field where they keep on changing the goalposts.

A torrent of exagerspeak and trendybabble is engulfing so much of our media in general and what's left of face-to-face mardling in particular.

There's nothing wrong in showing enthusiasm when given the chance to pass judgement on a certain subject, event or person. Even so, 'unbelievable!' on collecting third prize at the local flower show or 'unforgettable!' on a stag night you can't remember do smack of overdoing superlatives for the sake of it.

Our local vernacular, too often dismissed as ugly, lazy, embarrassing, and an obvious signpost to ye olde land of thick yokels, deserves a key role in any campaign to return proportion and respect to vital strands of our much-abused language.

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'Cor, blarst me, if that ent a rum'un!' covers a multitude of occasions calling for instant reaction to surprising news, an unlikely occurrence or even the most predictable state of affairs. A dash of irony coated in understatement adds to the fun.

'Git on yer wick' makes it clear something hasn't gone too well. 'Rare good dew' signals success.

Go on, dip into dialect for the proper Norfolk way to render things clear.