CHARLES ROBERTS Rarely can politics in France have been so animated as during the last few months. But fresh zest arrived on Sunday with the advent of a comprehensive article in Le Monde, France's equivalent of The Times.

CHARLES ROBERTS

Rarely can politics in France have been so animated as during the last few months. But fresh zest arrived on Sunday with the advent of a comprehensive article in Le Monde, France's equivalent of The Times.

Inevitably it touches on the Diana disaster. But more pointedly it probes the relationship between The Queen and Tony Blair - and not least between “the redoubtable Cherie Blair, lawyer of a high level, congenital catholic, and too much left wing.”

Blair, says the Le Monde writer, proved to be polite and courteous with the Queen, and never a flatterer. “She had the sense to listen . . . The Queen preferred to work with men”. In contrast they were always stretched with Margaret Thatcher.

It was the contrary with the Sovereign. Tony Blair's attachment to the throne was beyond dispute. It was the PM who came to the rescue of the Crown, at the time of the death of Princess Diana.

An unexpectedly valued adviser at this period was Alistair Campbell, king of spin. But he revealed in public the importance to the PM of the weekly meeting between Prime Minister and Sovereign.

“She is, in effect, the only person whom he is sure will never divulge a secret,” Campbell was later to reveal. “Mr Blair has never confided to his entourage of his conversations at the Palace.”

We do know that in 1999, as planning was afoot for her Majesty's 2002 Jubilee, the Prime Minister innocently reported on the progress of “our Jubilee”. There was a sudden ice in the air. “It is my Jubilee, Mister Blair.”

But enough of folks in high places. Come with me to what appears to have established itself as a kind of judicial Palace of Varieties. It all happens under the watchful eye of a judge, who appears to have seen it all before. Newspaper reports are strictly forbidden to use family names, but must settle with Christian/given names.

The staple ingredients are GBH, beer-fuelled fights, sleazy nightclubs, punch-ups between neighbour and neighbour, interminable) shoplifters; and Ladies of the Night caught in flagrante delicto. Here's to silence in Court:

t On the Dance Floor - Jimmy had been imbibing freely, as he told the Judge. With nothing better to do, he went into the loos and smashed the hand dryer. Why did he do it? Because the machine wasn't working. He gets a 150 euro fine for the night break-in, and will also have to reimburse the disco.

t 15 days in prison, with reprieve for young Kevin, sued for having taken part in the theft of numerous tools on a worksite. This time the crime was squatting. He'd joined forces with the squatters. Tools and materials went with them, ready for use for more villainy.

t Heels Down - At least nine rear view mirrors on cars parked in the street were smashed by Fabien, in his 30s, and Michel, 21. The vandals used the heels of their shoes to do the job. The police caught them in the act, and arrested them. They were stopped for questioning, and arrested.

t Two brothers have been condemned. The first one, Laurent, 20, was given eight months - with reprieve, because his criminal records were clean. The second one, Francois, 24, was sentenced to eight months in prison, without reprieve. In March and April 2005, they stole, or tried to steal a dozen cars in the area where they'd been caught by the gendarmerie. They were driving a Fiat Polo, equipped with false number plates.

When the President of the Court asked who changed the registration plates, Francois only admitted stealing the rear plates. And not the front ones? asked the President... Of course, you had no registration plates in the front, and that's why you were caught by the police. End of story.

t Sticky Fingers - With her handbag full of stolen clothes, Magali tried to leave the shopping centre where she'd been helping herself to all sorts of goods. But the security door rang, and she was taken to the nearest police station for questioning.

She threatened the gendarmes that she would sue them, because at the time she was leaving the shopping centre, she had to collect her young son at the railway station, to bring him home after school. So she said that if she were held and something happened to her son, the police would be responsible.

So, a gendarme had to act as chauffeur for the boy. Nevertheless, his mother was condemned by the Tribunal, and sent to prison for two months - to the satisfaction of those who had watched justice being done, and those with a certain sense of humour.