Adopting two baby boys - a Norfolk couple talk about their personal journey

ust minutes after Mark and Jane were told that they were suitable to adopt, they were handed the profile of a baby boy in foster care.

There was no photograph attached to the information but as they started reading about Henry's life, the Norfolk couple felt a strong connection with him and started wondering if he would one day call them Mum and Dad.

'It was really hard to read the facts about Henry's first few weeks; his birth parents, the domestic violence, the psychological impact on him and deciding whether we could take this on,' said Mark.

Two months later as they stood at the foster carer's front door waiting to meet Henry for the first time Mark thought 'Oh my God will I feel anything,…will I love him, will I even like him?'

'The foster carer gave us a big hug in front of Henry to let him know were friends and wouldn't harm him. While I was hugging her, I leaned to the right and saw a little baby boy surrounded by toys looking at me and I thought oh my god that's him!'

'We were advised to sit on floor and carry on talking to the foster mother but I wasn't listening to what she was saying. Henry slowly made his way over to us. He had this little blanket and we played peekabo and he laughed.'

'I will never forget Henry's laugh because we were very lucky to have an instant connection and it gave us so much confidence over the next few weeks.'

Like any other newly married couple, Mark and Jane had initially concentrated on renovating their house, working and taking holidays abroad.

'We had conversations about having a family, I must have said that I'd always love to adopt and Jane was always clear that she would like to have her own kids.'

However, 12 months after failing to conceive, Mark went for fertility tests and was told he had a low sperm count – it triggered a serious look at the options they faced.

Mark's interest in adoption was inspired by his own childhood experience of going back and forth to Great Ormond Street Hospital having been born with a 25% functioning kidney.

'I had always wanted adopt from a young age because in the hospital I had been around children without parents. There was also the possibility that I would pass on my genetic condition.'

'We investigated the IVF route briefly but we knew that there were so many kids to help. Although it is an option for some couple's we were worried that it could be very stressful on your relationship and may not result in what you are after.'

After going to an adoption information evening, Mark and Jane registered their interest the very next day.

A social worker visited them at home to check out their initial suitability. They had to fill in workbooks and attend training sessions. Further home assessments included in depth conversations about their own childhoods and experiences.

'People tell you that it takes years to get approved for adoption but it is really streamlined and doesn't involve excessive delays'

'We weren't assessed on our parenting skills, it was really to discover if we had the skills to cope with providing the foundations for a traumatised child.'

August 9, 2017 will be etched on their minds forever as the day they were approved to adopt – only eight months after attending the adoption information session.

'We had to go into a very corporate looking room and we were very nervous but when they announced that we were approved we gave each other a fist bump.'

The nine strong panel had approved their suitability based on reports on the couples' characters, relationship and wider family support. This approval led to a match with Henry and an introduction at his foster mother's house.

The couple gradually spent more time with Henry and stayed with the foster mother observing bottle feeding, nappy changing, slowly taking over before Henry was handed over to them. Even the nursery was decorated in the same style as at his foster home to lessen the blow of leaving.

'The first night we tucked Henry up into his cot after feeding him his night bottle and reading him a couple of nursery rhymes. He was very withdrawn initially and we worked our best to help him to come out of his shell but he soon started crawling around the house.'

When Henry's brother Ethan was born the couple were approached to foster him at two days old under the foster to adopt scheme. The birth parents were unable to care for both children but both Mark and Jane have no doubt that in their own way they loved them.

'I met the boys' birth mother a lot as we had to take Ethan to her twice a week while we were fostering him. I wanted to take her home and look after her as well. I felt very sorry for the birth parents but they still could not take care of their children.'

'The adoption agency had tried to keep the family together and the birth parents had spent seven weeks in residential assessment house with social workers on site assessing their care of Henry but it had not worked out.'

They formal adoption of Henry and Ethan was celebrated at the court, where they went with the boys to receive their certificates. 'The judge who had granted the initial emergency care order for Henry met him for the first time and it was the end of her journey too. Ethan even got to wear a judge's hat!'

'Adopting a child is the most wonderfully rewarding thing you can do because it not only changes your life but you can really change their lives and why wouldn't anyone want to do that,' said Jane.

The couple have no regrets as they look forward to Henry and Ethan growing up as brothers in a safe and secure environment and Mark agrees:

'It has been absolutely magical. We are just a normal family going on day trips, going to the supermarket and playing in the park. We can concentrate on parenting in our own style and no-one can take them away from us…they have a real home now'

For more information and advice about adoption go to: www.adoptionuk.org

A guide to the adoption process

1. Enquire: Get in touch with us through email, phone, Facebook or information sessions.

2.Pre-booked telephone call: One of our adoption workers will call you to discuss adoption and answer your questions.

3.Information evening: You will be invited to attend an evening run by one of our adoption workers, who will explain the process.

4.Stage 1 initial assessment: This stage takes about 60 days. During this time, you will:

?be allocated an adoption worker

?have your checks and references undertaken

?complete a medical with your GP

?attend Prep training which last 4 days over 2 weeks, run by our adoption stage 2 workers

5.Stage 2: This stage takes about 120 days. During this time, we will allocate you an adoption worker to support you throughout the assessment. The adoption worker will visit you 6 to 8 times to get to know you and your family and will help you prepare the report that goes to the adoption panel.

6.Panel: You will attend an adoption panel with your adoption worker. The panel will make a decision whether to recommend you as an adopter.

7.Approved

8.Matching and support: Your adoption worker will work with you to identify the right match.