‘Don’t be a doormat’ - Agony Aunties Christine Webber and Helen McDermott answer your relationship questions
- Credit: Nick Butcher
Christine Webber and Helen McDermott have stepped in to the role of EDP Agony Aunties and are on hand to help the people of East Anglia with their problems.
A qualified psychotherapist and former television presenter, Christine brings a wealth of knowledge to the role, while broadcasting legend Helen McDermott adds a splash of real life experience, telling it how she sees it.
During the first episode of Agony Aunties, streamed live on Facebook on April 3 the pair discussed the difficult topic of relationships, here's a look at what they had to say:
Question: I think my husband is having an affair. He's just been away to Scotland for the weekend as he said he needed to get away but I don't buy it. Our children are grown up, so it's just the two of us and we are civil, but it's not a marriage. He doesn't seem interested in me or anything other than his phone which he is on almost all the time. I've even tried looking at it when he's not around but he has a fingerprint thing on it so I can't even find out that way. Is there any hope for us?
Christine: It's a very difficult one, I think often marriages or long term relationships go through very dicey periods when the kids leave home and it's just you. Often people have to re-frame how they see the marriage.
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Your husband said he needed time alone, so maybe he's got something on his mind and needed some time to think, on the other hand I do remember a friend of mine who had a bloke who said he was going off to find himself and she later found out that he had taken someone with him and was finding out all about her. It may not be true that he went alone, I have no way of knowing but I think the thing is there are always tell tale signs when someone has an affair, there are changes - it could be that he's on the phone all the time, is that what he used to be like? Probably not. It could be that he starts going to the gym, starts showering more or is nicer to you.
Really it comes down to whether you want to know, is it worth forcing the issue and discussing it or do you think you're alright as you are, divorce would be unsettling and you can always wait a little longer and see what happens. There's really no easy answer here.
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Helen: They've obviously been together for a long time, relationships change, do you think she should be get out the underwear and sort of lie on the bed when he comes home and tempt him that way?
Christine: I think those things feel very artificial and most people don't feel happy or confident to do them and when it gets to that stage of thinking, it's usually a bit late. You could try and talk to him, ask if he thinks the spark has gone from your relationship and if there's anything you can do about this. I'm also concerned about your own self esteem, it seems to me if he's disappearing to Scotland, maybe you want to do some things for you? You want to appear a bit more independent, don't let yourself be a doormat!
As well as this the duo also discussed falling out of love, wives wanting husbands to help out more around the home, having sex for the first time aged 26 and whether you should let a new partner get close to your children.
Do you have a question for our Agony Aunties? Send your problems, in strictest confidence, to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com