Longer evenings and it's time we explored the great outdoors. Everyone in the car and we're off to the coast and the one essential you no longer need is a map.

Oh the rows between husband and wife when the family car ends up in a farm yard instead of the seaside, divorces threatened, romantic weekends end in frosty looks.

But all that's now history.

Directions come from mobile phones and, of course, the satellite navigation system which every car now has.

Brilliant machines, yes, but so, so smug. That awful self-righteous authoritarian voice, either gender – do as you're told, you know I'm right, you mere mortal motorists.

They're not always right, but having stern words with a microchip is not same as telling a spouse they've got it wrong… Again!!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a Norfolk accent instead of a boring BBC voice and, above all, Norfolk phrases coming from the little black box. At least for the few natives left.

Imagine. 'Go yew up to tha turnpike and then yew wan't-a go left.'

Or 'Your'e got one on them roundabouts a-comin up, yew wanna go straight on. Yew got that, straight on.'

'There's a sharp bend in a few yards, go yew as the rood go.' Or ' you're got bloomin' miles to go yit, so I'll hiv a kip and weark up when I're got suffin to say.'

Now wouldn't that be preferable to 'Follow the course of the road for a while.'

Far more friendly and you'd be happy to be told what to do.

And if you go wrong you'd be happy to take the admonishment. 'Hoi, what'd I tell yew, I said tarn left, so what do you think you're a-doin' on going straight. Now tarn yew around and go back where your'e just come. And keep your eyes open, don't yew go and hiv a bang up just coss you're messed it up. That wern't my fault, that was yew.'

And with technology now being able to predict so much in our life, imagine if it could talk back.

'Oi watch yer language, t'ernt my faul there's a grit ole queue and you'll be leart.'

Or 'What d'you mean this is the long way round. Tarn me orf if you think yew can do better.'

Problem is that there are so few natives left who'd understand, not many would want it, but wouldn't it make journeys less tiring?

You can read Richard Watts' columns every Tuesday in the EDP.