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Catch up TV: Pat Butcher smoking weed with nuns

PUBLISHED: 11:11 19 November 2017

Pam St Clement has a higher purpose in Gone to Pot (c) ITV

Pam St Clement has a higher purpose in Gone to Pot (c) ITV

ITV

10 reasons why you need to watch ITV's Gone to Pot - Bobby George's toe in vodka, John Fashanu's karate threat and Pat Butcher smoking a bong while painting a cactus

Pat Butcher on the pipe and Christopher Biggins on a whitey: I never thought I would live to see the day.

I have no idea how the programme makers crept this one past ITV commissioners, but I would like to thank every one of them for doing so – Gone to Pot, which continues on Monday, was one of the best things I’ve seen on TV all year, becoming 2017’s equivalent to Danny Dyer discovering he was related to royalty on Who Do You Think You Are last year.

If you missed it, I strongly suggest you find your way to a television set and hasten to ITV’s catch-up service. But if you need more persuading...

10 reasons why you need to watch Gone to Pot

1) Pot Butcher: Pam St Clement’s impressive tolerance for marijuana saw her giggling gently while Bobby George disgorged his stomach into a bag for life and Christopher Biggins threw up until he couldn’t stand up. If there was ever a metaphor for women being the stronger sex, Pam smoking weed and showing no adverse effects whatsoever was it.

2) That awkward moment when you realise you and the tour bus have come out wearing the same thing: Seriously, Pam’s psychedelic wardrobe is all things bright and beautiful, a whirling mass of colour that brings to mind an indoor play centre put through a blender.

3) Bashful Fash: John Fashanu has no idea why anyone would take drugs because he is “high on life”. He also warns us what might happen if Pam passes the reefer: “I’m worried if I take it, might I become extremely aggressive and start using martial arts? You don’t know. I’ve got 16 years, four black belts. So that would be horrible.” Later, when a nun gives him a marijuana massage (no, really), he admits it was lovely but then frets “what was really disturbing me was for the next three to four days, everyone would be smelling marijuana, thinking I’m a junkie.” Er…Alan Partridge move over, John is here now.

4) Bobby George’s toe cocktail: Dart player Bobby has a list of medical complaints as long as his arm, which he can’t lift, due to the immense amount of jewellery he insists on wearing. If I was Bobby’s doctor, I bet I could lighten the load on his skeleton simply by getting him to take off a few bracelets. At home, he told us that a medical problem had led to the amputation of three of his toes…one of which he has persevered in vodka behind his in-house bar.

5) The Wheel of Fortune moment: The celebrities (apart from John) have all taken their first legal dose of marijuana and, as Pam puts it, are “ready to party”. Which in reality means they all lie on a motel bed laughing at a spinning wheel on the television before sloping off to bed in time for Linda to have a hash brownie to help her get a good night’s sleep.

6) Nun better: The Sisters of the Valley in California grow marijuana which they nobly turn into medical salves, oils and soaps which contain the medicinal, rather than the psychoactive, element of the drug. Lulled into a false security, it was then somewhat of a shock to hear what they did with the psychoactive element: they smoked it. The sight of Pam St Clement passing the dutchie on the left hand side – via Linda Robson – to a nun and then accepting it back to huff down another lungful, will stay with me for some time.

7) Bong Appetit: Nonna Marijuana is Aurora Leveroni, a sprightly lady of advanced years (94 of them) whose party trick is to cook a dinner laced with “nature’s medicinal leaf” – she does warn the celebrities that the dishes are strong, but Biggins and George dig in with gusto and are later sick with gusto as they go through, as the narrator handily tells us, “a whitey”, which leads them to feel dizzy, nauseous and utterly disorientated. Biggins’ weak call – “help” – from the back of the bus was a jaw-dropping moment, as was Bobby crying as he revisited Nonna’s Magical Ice Cream.

8) Bobby George just saying no: The morning after the night before, Bobby described what imbibing too much marijuana feels like: “Like 100 sea sicks. Like 100 hangovers.” He was then seen accepting more marijuana in an advance clip from next Monday’s show – some people never learn.

9) John Fashanu facing his demons: “To debate it, I must know what it is like. So I built up enough courage to try the ice-cream.” He seemed almost disappointed to reveal that after a spoonful, he felt “absolutely nothing”.

10) Linda Robson’s travelogue: I could watch Linda reviewing low-rent motel rooms all day. “It’s the Simon Bates Motel,” she says at one stop-off. Let’s hope the ITV commissioners are looking for a spin-off.

* Part two of Gone to Pot will be on ITV at 9pm on Monday.

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