Search

I like greetings cards, glasses and hairy James Bonds.

PUBLISHED: 12:44 20 May 2019 | UPDATED: 12:44 20 May 2019

This is the hat that didn't get worn at my son's wedding in 2011. Picture: JH

This is the hat that didn't get worn at my son's wedding in 2011. Picture: JH

Archant

Is hoarding greetings cards a known condition... or is it just me?

We were looking under beds and on top of wardrobes for stuff to sell in the annual neighbourhood sale.

Where do all the glasses come from?

We sell loads every year and then we find more. I think this was one of the problems with not having a wedding present list. We got an awful lot of pudding basins and glasses.

This year we had 20 wine glasses and high-ball glasses and two half-pint beer mugs to sell. Then there were the bongos, my hat (which didn't sell), masses of books, a lot of CDs (yes, people still buy them) and DVDs. Son-in-law Kev put out his complete set of James Bond DVDs... and sold about five. He then had an incomplete set.

It is fascinating, however, to see how many people wanted to talk to him about Bond. Most of them started the conversation with "There are 26 films in all, aren't there?", immediately establishing their anorak credentials.

Some buyers set up impromptu "Who's the best Bond?" groups. I think Roger Moore was leading when I lost interest.

My favourite was Pierce Brosnan. His Bond, I think, was considerably better than his singing in Mamma Mia! I do like a hairy chest and we got to see it quite often when he was 007.

Sean Connery too was hirsute but if I had to choose which chest to snuggle into, it would be Brosnan's. Also... (Move on, Lynne. Ed)

As we were collecting items to sell, my husband had his annual brainwave.

"What about that box of cards in the wardrobe?"

It is a secret shame that every time I need a greetings card I buy at least two − sometimes three or four − and take them home to choose from.

He dragged the box downstairs and, after I had taken out the cards I wanted to keep, we had 98 left to sell, representing virtually every occasion, even Hallowe'en. Some of them were arty, some funny, some rude and funny, and some were just plain statements such as "Happy Birthday" or "Good luck" . I usually get those for men because they are gender-neutral... not the men, the cards.

You may also want to watch:

Anyway, at 20p each, they sold like, well, not so much hotcakes as very cheap cards.

I'm now thinking I might need to buy some greetings cards with my £18 proceeds.

The books, most of them bedtime reading and thus not intellectually challenging, went pretty well. These were also 20p in most cases. I could tell my husband was torn when someone bought his illustrated book about world religions that he's had since he was 11. Meanwhile, I may have overdone it when someone asked me what Macbeth, by Jo Nesbo, was like. I launched into a 10-minute exposition of how the plot compared with Shakespeare's play of the same name. At the end, the guy, looking a bit dazed, put the book back, evidently feeling he no longer needed to read it.

Nobody wanted the impulse-buy hat I bought it from John Lewis in Cambridge in 2010. My best friend, Jane, took me to the city to have a bra fitting in advance of my son's wedding, the following spring. She convinced me it was all part of the mother-of-the-groom experience.

The bra emporium was the sort of shop that offers you a drink while you wait. It's the sort of shop where the sales assistant takes one look at your naked boobs and knows your bra size. 
It was the sort of shop which 
has no price labels on its brassieres. Reader, I am still wearing that bra.

As for the hat (see picture) it is beautiful but maybe it was a mistake to buy a hat before getting an outfit.

I just couldn't find quite the right colour to go with it, so it's back in the attic.

It still has all the labels on it but it might be a bit late to take it back for a refund...

- Is anyone else disconcerted by having Dec (or was it Ant) talk to them at the self-checkouts in Marks & Spencer. I find myself answering him.

The woman at the till next to me jumped out of her skin when Amanda Holden spoke to her about her Sparks card.

The other day, I swiped (as in across the barcode reader, not as in purloined or slapped) my lunchtime egg mayonnaise sandwich, and Declan Donnelly (I think) said: "You'll need to scan that again."

"No, I won't," I answered back. I'm not having some pipsqueak off Byker Grove telling me how to handle an egg sandwich.

I'll be glad when Britain's Got Talent is over. It isn't just any sponsored show, it's a Marks & Spencer-sponsored show

- And finally, I bring you the best post on Facebook, this week: "We have a potato masher because we sometimes don't like being able to open the kitchen drawer."

Most Read

Comments have been disabled on this article.

Most Read

Latest from the Eastern Daily Press

Hot Jobs

Show Job Lists