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Five worst foods in Britain are green and start with C

PUBLISHED: 15:45 06 July 2019 | UPDATED: 15:45 06 July 2019

Cucumber - so bad that women would rather put it on their eyes than in their mouth

Cucumber - so bad that women would rather put it on their eyes than in their mouth

keira01

Which foods do you really detest? Nick Richards has made a simple list of his and they are all green and start with C

Slumped in the salad aisle of Sainsbury's on a sizzling summer Saturday is a strange place to be.

Late in the afternoon, choices are limited as Britain barbecues in the summer sun and the sparse chiller cabinets stare back like the unloved fridge in a student kitchen.

Smug online shoppers are relaxing with their home delivery all done, while those who made an early-morning trolley dash are laughing into their afternoon beer.

Mulling over the limited choices after being sent on an errand last Saturday, I realised I had to get something off my chest. It occurred to me there and then that most of the foods I hate are green and begin with the letter C.

I don't mind chives or cabbage but they're hardly essential. Most of their culinary cousins of the C-world are so devoid of fun and joy that I'd like to ban them from Britain.

I will add a disclaimer that this is my view. I do eat salad and vegetables and I am not a food Nazi. Also, there are 
plenty of nice foods beginning with C - just a shame that cod, chocolate, cheese, chicken, crisps and chips aren't usually green

Here are the offending items on my green culinary checklist. Do you agree? C for yourself.

Coriander

As salad goes I'm more of a leafer than a (heart of) Romainer, but I draw the line at coriander. Even the Americans have given it the rather more exotic name of cilantro in a bid to give it a new identity. It has a taste that I really detest, a bit like licking a cloth covered in Fairy Liquid. It's all down to the fact coriander leaves contain high levels of aldehydes, a biological structure used in soaps and lotions. That explains why it should be thrown out with the dishwater.

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Cress

Has anybody ever had an urgent text message from their partner that says 'Darling, I forgot the cress'. Thought not. This pointless garnish was relegated for use as a blotting paper or egg shell-based project for bored children 50 years ago. It comes in those horrible containers and you have to cut it with scissors, leaving a whole load of waste and for what benefit? Flimsy, pointless and irrelevant in the 21st century.

Celery

These corrosive cogs of cheerlessness really get my back up. Food traditionalists will point to its essential place in the cook's mirepoix, the flavoursome base used in cooking, but I hate the smell, look and taste of it. Even worse is seeing people dip whole sticks of it in peanut butter and chomp it down. Some say it's one of the most satisfying foods to chop up in a therapeutic way. I say that's fine as long as you then chuck it straight in the bin.

Cucumber

My loathing for these long green sticks of water has never let up. It's ghastly stuff, so bad that the beauty industry had to invent that thing about putting it on your eyes when you have a facial, just so somebody would buy it. It stains every chopping board, leaves a rank green residue - and even worse, is regularly chopped up into slices for children to 'enjoy' at kids parties. Last year I witnessed a truly awful child poke a cucumber baton through a yellow party ring and eat this curious combo in one go. That proved to me that it really is the crudest crudite.

Cumin

A controversial choice - I know the seeds are a browny/green colour, but this qualifies as the plant is green and this spice absolutely stinks. Sprinkle some cumin in a sizzling pan and the aroma is not one of delicious nuttiness, it is the aroma of the boys changing rooms at The Hewett School after PE in 1988. I know because I was there. Only a mass spraying of Old Spice or Lynx Africa got rid of the sweaty pong then and only a recycling bin is its rightful place now.

Who wants their food to taste like man sweat? Not me.

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