If Jim Davidson thinks Cromer is Hell, I'll take it as a solid endorsement for right-thinking humans
PUBLISHED: 11:51 15 February 2018 | UPDATED: 14:23 19 February 2018
I've never understood why people listen to a word Jim Davidson says, let alone laugh at him.
I could just about put up with him on Big Break, but only because I loved snooker at the time, watching it with my grandparents and willing Jimmy White to win the world title.
To be honest, I had no idea he was still doing the rounds. When I heard of his not surprisingly unfunny comments about Cromer, it was like suddenly finding out that the Berlin Wall is back and The Joy of Sex is on people’s shelves.
The instinctive reaction when someone attacks something you love is to fight back.
That’s why some people have laid into Davidson. It’s like protecting one of your children from an ogre.
My second thought, after my paternal instinct died down, was to muse on the dangers of hasty use of social media.
I try to observe the rule of never using Twitter or Facebook when I’m either angry or in drink - or both.
Once you’ve written and sent something, it’s public. It cannot be taken back.
Perhaps Davidson doesn’t care - he doesn’t give off caring vibes.
But would he really have put these comments on Facebook if he’d given himself the time to calm down?
“Well thats it. Gail force 8 on Cromer pier. Theatre freezing and a bad attitude barman. Do I need this?
“Welcome to hell. Bar woman wouldn’t let me take my glass onstage. You sort of know when you are not wanted. Why do staff have agendas?”
Remember, he was earning money for performing in front of an audience of people who’d - inexplicably - paid to watch him.
Are those things reduced to naught by a minor disagreement with a member of the bar staff?
I guess they are if you think being a star makes you more important than others.
It’s the “do you know who I am?” syndrome.
I do know who he is, which is why I’d have been tempted to wind him up if I were behind the bar that night. His anger would earn him his first ever laugh from me.
But I think the best response is to turn the disease into a cure.
The town could make this comedy kerfuffle into a slogan on the town sign - ‘Welcome to Cromer: Labelled Hell by Jim Davidson.’
Imagine the endless possibilities if we can provoke some more ‘80s stars.
‘Welcome to Sheringham: Noel Edmonds was riled by the parking charges.’
‘Welcome to Harleston: Berated by Bobby Ball.’
‘Welcome to Hunstanton: Disliked by Davro.’
These are decent selling points, not reasons to be angry or offended.
Hell to me might include being chained to a chair and entertained on a constant loop by Jim Davidson.
So if Nick-Nick thinks Cromer is Hell, then I’ll take it as a solid endorsement for all right-thinking humans.
■ In the interests of fairness (yes, I know, it hasn’t always bothered me) I should mention that Davidson is no enemy of Norfolk, having invested money in Great Yarmouth’s Wellington Pier and supported Caister Lifeboat as patron and a high-profile fundraiser.