What’s the worst thing a partner has said to you? EDP Agony Aunties solve your relationship dilemmas
PUBLISHED: 14:18 01 May 2018 | UPDATED: 14:18 01 May 2018
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Christine Webber and Helen McDermott have stepped in to the role of EDP Agony Aunties and are on hand to help the people of East Anglia with their problems.
A qualified psychotherapist and former television presenter, Christine brings a wealth of knowledge to the role, while broadcasting legend Helen McDermott adds a splash of real life experience, telling it how she sees it.
During the second episode of Agony Aunties, streamed live on Facebook on April 25, the pair asked viewers to tell them about the worst thing a partner had ever said to them.
Joshua admitted the worst thing his partner ever said to him was that she couldn’t see him anymore.
He said: “I was in a relationship for three months, she was kind and loving and then one day it was over. I struggled with this, emotionally because things were going great and we didn’t argue. I had an accident and broke my arm and she was there for me at the drop of a hat and I loved her for that. I saw her today and we had a short conversation but I was nervous and felt I needed to tell her how I felt but I didn’t. Do I write down how I feel and send it to her or just move on?
Christine: I think the thing is you’re not forgetting and moving on, that’s the trouble. I don’t feel like you feel you can do that when you haven’t had an explanation from her. You don’t know why something has ended, you don’t have closure, you don’t know what you’ve done wrong, whether it’s you or whether the other person isn’t in a good place. Obviously it was very difficult for you to meet her and not express how you feel. You could drop her a line, if you were getting on so well before and never had an argument then I think you could just say that it would help you a great deal if she told you what went wrong. You can’t make her tell you, but it would probably help you to do that, but it’s important to remember that sometimes people never find out and that’s very tough.
I’ve also known people write a really long letter, explaining how they feel and then decide not to send it. Instead they’ll take it out in the garden and ceremoniously burn it.
If you do ask her to explain, you have to be prepared that she might say something you might not want to hear.
Perhaps another option is to ask a friend if you’ve got friends in common, you might be able to find out something from one of them. You could tell them you don’t want to be a pest, and you want to let her get on with her life but it would help you to know what went wrong and could they tell you anything.
Helen: It’s a very good point, I know someone who is possibly going through a divorce and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore and there is no explanation at all. Having lived with someone and they have a child, it must be very hard, but there’s just no explanation.
Christine: Most of us feel better with what we know and not knowing is really tough. I’ve counselled couples and often the man will go “we’ve talked this out endlessly” and the woman will say “we haven’t talked this out at all” and they both have very different concept about how much talking is essential at the end of a relationship. And that’s why sometimes at the end of a long relationship where there has been a children or a marriage, to have a third party there in the shape of a relate counsellor is useful as that experienced person can negotiate it so both people have their say.
Helen: It is interesting how you can misinterpret a relationship. I do find this strange in relationships as you’d think we would be made that if we fancy someone, they would fancy us back to make life easy. Doesn’t work like that. I remember the angst you go through when you like someone and they don’t like you at all and you think why? Years ago I found a letter, from a guy I worked with on a TV show, and in the letter he was declaring his love for me. I never had a clue he felt that way.
As well as this, the pair also talked about taking compliments, trying to work out whether someone really loves you and control in relationships.
Do you have a question for our Agony Aunties? Send your problems, in strictest confidence, to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
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