Can we please stop pretending to like New Year’s Eve?
- Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
New Year's Eve is the most overrated night of the year; full of forced fun, irritating resolutions and Iceland nibbles.
No, I don't want to be tagged in your 'year in review' video and I certainly don't want to feature in your badly cropped 'thnx for the memories xx' collage – which, by the way, everyone knows was done on paint.
New Year's Eve is forced fun of the worst possible kind. You MUST have the best night of the year and this mantra is repeated until you're being dragged into an overpriced taxi at 5am.
Oh, and the cash you'll spend on a taxi would probably be enough to entice Mary Berry to Channel 4.
And if you haven't pre-booked then you're looking at a wait longer than catching a Southern Railway train.
You may also want to watch:
Clubs are crammed, drinks extortionately overpriced, and that's not to mention the ten quid you paid to be in the VIP area - full of Very Irritating People.
Plus who wants to squeeze into a tight dress or suit a week after Christmas (thanks a lot Jesus.)
- 1 Driver dies in crash on A47
- 2 Motorcyclist dies in crash on A11
- 3 Electric vehicle owners could have to pay £50 to run cables to cars
- 4 GP surgery in special measures after inspectors find range of faults
- 5 Indian restaurant in Norfolk nominated for two national awards
- 6 End of an era as hardware store closes after 60 years
- 7 Vintage tractor enthusiast's prized collection goes under the hammer
- 8 Your favourite pub, café, restaurant and hotel in Norfolk revealed
- 9 Woman who was found with maggots living in hand evicted from care home
- 10 Inside the police operation that has led to 3000 arrests in Norfolk
If you're at a party, it's probably with a lot of people you don't like. But remember you MUST have fun so you paint on a Cheshire Cat smile and eat enough frozen Iceland nibbles to feed Kerry Katona's family.
Mr Bean got it right – if you're going to celebrate NYE then host the party yourself.
That way you can invite exactly who you want and have a pre-midnight nap if you started on the Buck's Fizz a bit too early.
Plus, no one will complain when you put Jools' Annual Hootenanny on the telly in your own house.
But New Year's at home is not without its problems too.
Next door setting the dog off with their back garden firework display, looking after the drunks and having to spend January 1 scrubbing red wine and vomit stains off your new sofa which you got in the DFS sale. (Which despite what they tell you, RUNS ALL YEAR.)
And you can't even pop to the shop for cleaning products in the morning as all the shops are all closed.
'New year, new me!' No you will still be the same pretentious sod you were 24 hours ago.
This brings me to New Year's resolutions. You would think conscription to the Olympics had been enforced with the hoards of eager gym-goers on January 1; all lined up in traffic-stopping fluorescent Nike gear they got for Christmas.
But as January rolls into February, and you haven't miraculously got the body of David Beckham or Michelle Keegan, your interest dwindles, just like Norwich City fans since the Brighton match back in October.
Trust me, the only gains you'll be making in the New Year will be from the pyramid of leftover Christmas chocolate.
What annoys you about New Year's Eve? Let us know in the comments.