Will Bertie the dachshund from Lowestoft become the canine Adrian Mole?
PUBLISHED: 10:41 07 April 2017 | UPDATED: 10:41 07 April 2017
A dachshund called Bertie is set to become the canine Adrian Mole.
Owner Davina Baron, an accountant from Lowestoft, thinks her pet got his paws on her laptop whilst it was unattended.
She says she found a doggy diary after much-loved Bertie passed away at the age of 11 in 2014. Now she has published his musings on the world, from his early days at Ms Baron’s home, to his final hours.
Alongside the excitement of going home with his new family, Bertie finds one problem. Niko the cat.
“He’s black, fat, lazy, very big and not in a cage,” he says. “Where I was born there were cats and they were always in cages. My dad said this was because they tell lies and scratch humans.”
After a run-in or two with his new house mate, Bertie gets to snuggle up with Ms Baron - aka Newmum - listening to the Archers Omnibus.
“I like Radio Four,” he explains. “My Dad said radio Four was for intelligent dogs, such as us and German shepherds.”
Growing up is fun for Bertie but not without the odd mishap. A wrestling game with a vacuum cleaner sends him flying when he gets an electric shock off its cable.
“Burning pain through my gums and my tail shot up like a flagpole,” he says. “Then I legged it. I just ran and ran to the end of the garden.”
Newmum pampers her pooch with milk and honey to help him get over it. From then on, he ran down the garden every time the vacuum went on.
Making friends with relatives’ dog Engle and trips to beach are all recorded in puppy-esque prose, along with rainy days and fine.
And there are words of wisdom before he signs off for the last time.
“Walking on the beach is fun and the sand feels soft on the paws but it can make you drool a lot, which is unattractive,” he says in one entry.
Bertie’s final moments will bring a tear to any dog lover’s eye, as he rejoins his dad in the sky. Ms Baron said being his Newmum was an inspiring experience.
“When I looked at him, it was as though he was sitting there thinking: ‘I’m lovely, I’m fantastic,” she said. “His thoughts just came to me, he’s sitting there thinking this, it was telepathy. I tried to faithfully record Bertie’s thoughts and adventures over the years we spent together.”
Bertie’s Diary is on www.amazon.co.uk priced £5.99.