They have long been a staple of our traditional festive dinners, but are Christmas cracker jokes falling out of favour?

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After a poll revealed 72pc of the nation thought cracker jokes were outdated, comedy channel Gold challenged comedians to pen their own seasonal gag to give these jokes a modern makeover.

A panel of Gold judges, led by comedy expert Bruce Dessau, went on to shortlist the best jokes which were then voted on by 2,000 people.

The top 10 funniest new festive jokes are revealed as:

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky.

2. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.

3. Mary and Joseph - now they had a stable relationship.

4. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show.

5. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.

6. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care.

7. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.

8. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered.

9. How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes

10. Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender.

What are your favourite Christmas cracker jokes? Do you think this is one tradition which should be killed off? Or do you think you could come up with a better seasonal joke? Please leave your comments below.

1 comment

  • What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia! Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'! Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? Because he had a low "elf" esteem! What carol is heard in the desert? O camel ye faithful! What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross Mouse Cards! What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can't beat it! Why don't penguins fly? Because they're not tall enough to be pilots! What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

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    Tuesday, December 10, 2013



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