The missing Canaries season ticket holder and other tales
PUBLISHED: 06:46 24 December 2017
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Keith Skipper has a few seasonal rib-ticklers lined up...
Christmas is often hailed as that time of year when people descend into the bunker of the family. So, a keen sense of humour is essential in any peace-keeping package.
Cracker jokes may be excruciating but at least they can end embarrassingly long silences hanging over the festive board. A raucous chorus of mild abuse is guaranteed for classics like “What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Felipe Felop!”
I almost struck gold a few years back when I recalled Santa receiving a letter from a Cromer fisherman asking for a musical instrument. Santa, of course, sent him a cast-a-net. My profuse apology was accepted with a final warning about washing up alone.
A more subtle approach is wrapped up in a little test to unravel a Norfolk location from a seasonal clue. For example, when I exclaim “Holy crackers!” I expect the entire company to cry “Pulham St Mary!”
Perhaps I can get away this time with my favourite sporting story collected on recent rounds. It stars Carrow Road season-ticket holders Billy and Fred who couldn’t help noticing there was always a space – C15 – next to them at Norwich City home games.
They had a friend who dearly wanted to buy a season ticket to watch the Canaries, especially if all three could be seated together. During one half-time interval, Billy went to the ticket office and asked if there was any chance of having a season ticket for C15.
The official said the ticket had already been sold. Even so, week after week the seat remained empty. Then on Boxing Day, much to Billy and Fred’s amazement, the seat was taken for the first time that season. Fred asked the chap: “Well, where have you been up to now?”
“Don’t ask,” said the chap. “My missus bought this season ticket back in the summer – but insisted on keeping it for a surprise Christmas present!”