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The Keith Skipper guide to fitness

PUBLISHED: 06:46 10 December 2017 | UPDATED: 09:42 11 December 2017

Step out for some post-Christmas fitness tips from Keith Skipper (with tongue firmly in cheek).

Step out for some post-Christmas fitness tips from Keith Skipper (with tongue firmly in cheek).

Archant

If you jog backwards you put on weight. Or so says Keith Skipper anyway. Hmm.

It will be time all too soon to get rid of festive excesses with an annual fitness drive based on extreme guilt and expensive gullibility.

Here are a few handy tips and observations to make that redemption path easier from Clement Scottow, most experienced member of north Norfolk’s top walking group, the Poppyland Pacemakers.

His positive outlook is summed up by words stitched on his vest: “You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again”. He claims to be “just turning 40 – and taking my time about it”.

Try these for size before stepping up to the empty plate after Boxing Day:

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at £700 a month.

Age is all in the mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 80. Now he’s 97 – and we haven’t a clue where he is.

It may be best to walk early in the morning before the brain figures out what you’re doing.

I joined a health club last year and spent over £700. I haven’t lost an ounce. Apparently, you have to go there.

I have flabby thighs. Fortunately, my stomach covers them.

The big advantage of daily exercise is so when you die, they’ll say: “Well, he looks good, doesn’t he?”

I like long walks. Especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

If you’re going to try cross-country ski-ing, start with a small country.

Don’t jog backwards. You may put on weight.

Most exercise many of my colleagues manage is jumping to conclusions.

If you can’t get out for exercise, enjoy Norfolk’s favourite indoor sport – hunting for your spectacles.

Tell folk over the festive season you get plenty of exercise … “I was out last week four nights running”.

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