The day they told me my baby was going to die
PUBLISHED: 17:54 21 May 2018 | UPDATED: 15:18 22 May 2018
Norfolk mother Kyra Welch writes about her experiences with her terminally ill four-year-old son Kaiden Griffin. Kaiden, who grew up in North Creake, near Fakenham, and now lives in Holt, has a Congenital Heart Defect...
On May 19, 2014, they told me my baby was going to die. The day that I’ll remember in my head for as long as I live. I remember it like it was yesterday, like a nightmare every time it goes through my head. We’d had the worst luck running up to this day going backwards and forwards to London six times before they finally got Kaiden in for his cardiac catheter. I remember holding him in my arms with tears rolling down my cheeks, until the doctors came in and put him to sleep. They asked me to hold him while they did it. It felt like my heart was being ripped out, holding my struggling baby still while they put a mask over his face until he just stopped fighting it, I was just left holding this tiny, motionless person. They took him away, and I watched them walk through the swinging doors with my baby. They told us to go and get some lunch ‘the procedure shouldn’t take long’ they said.
We came back to an empty room, in my gut I knew that something was wrong, I panicked and asked for my baby boy, where was my baby? They told me he’d be here. They took me downstairs where my tiny little boy had just woke up and hearing him say ‘mumma’ in his tiny croaky frog like voice, made my heart break, what had my tiny little baby just been through. And then the rest just still feels as raw to this day as it did back then. The doctor came into the room, he was in a rush, but the words that came out of his mouth just broke me, “I’m sorry, it’s not good news” and he turned and walked away.
I just remember falling to the floor, unable to walk, or stand, just sat there and cried. I couldn’t even pick my baby up. I couldn’t even hold him and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him, his catheter had gone through his main arteries so I just had to sit beside him and hold his tiny little hands. My heart had literally just shattered. My world felt like it had just ended. The doctor came. He told us there was no more they could do for our baby and we were to take him home and enjoy the time we had left with him, however long that would be. The rest of that day was a bit of a blur, but on that same day every year I look at what a charming, clever, talented, little boy he is growing into and I remember that miracles do happen. I gave birth to one. I kiss him every day, I hear his laugh everyday, I see his endless smile. I just realise how truly lucky I am. How truly lucky I am to have such a precious little soul in my life.