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I know they are sad and I oughtn’t be flippant but there’s usually a moment of laughter at a funeral.

For seven centuries St Andrew’s Church in Eaton has served its community - and remains as close knit as ever.

I don’t go in for a lot of social media.

No one knows her real name and she lived centuries ago. But who was Julian of Norwich - and why is there so much interest in her today? James Marston reports.

Do you know, dear readers, I can remember the old milk bottles. I mean the ones with a more slim-lined neck which were around before about 1980. I can remember the foil tops being almost always pecked about by little birds as well.

Apparently it’s just not humanely possible to be a parent and be green.

Manchester, May 22, 2017, will forever be a day of infamy.

It seems that, in life, just as you think you are getting over one thing, another spanner gets thrown into the works. First it was the Scottish referendum, then Brexit, then Trump, then Kim Jong whatever he’s called. Now it’s cyber-attacks, which are being described as a “wake up call”.

How many do you get each day? How often do you check them?

Thank goodness the clocks have gone forward. It means we can say goodbye to all that staying in and attempting to entertain ourselves with increasingly dull television on a cold evening.

I can’t bear shopping can you? It’s meant to be the great leisure pursuit of the modern age but I think that’s a load of rubbish.

If you are like me a bit of a royalist – and Camilla is my favourite because she seems pretty straightforward – it’s all a bit amusing to think Her Majesty puts the bag on the table because she wants the meal to end.

Why has food these days disappeared up its own bottom. I long for the days when a prawn cocktail and a flan were the height of sophistication.

I am concerned that SS-GB and its ilk glamorise war and forget that those who actually lived through the conflict, may not wish to be reminded.

I’ve had enough. This week I was emailed by a friend who suggested Brexit isn’t the universal pancetta – I think she meant panacea – that I think it is and I might be “delighted” by the fact that she had to pay more for her US dollars to go on holiday because I voted with the “populist” vote.

Well I think it was a success. I am, of course, referring to my latest foray into public speaking – my talk at Mildenhall Museum. Naturally, I rather enjoyed it.

The Queen Mother once said: “Golly, I could do with £100,000, couldn’t you? I had such an awful afternoon with my bank manager scolding me about my overdraft.” I know what she meant. But, Her Majesty, I read, was once asked what she thought you need to get through life. She replied “Manners – without them it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do – you will never leave a good impression.”

Herbal, cucumber, aromatic, London, Cornish, rhubarb, sloe – it’s all over the place these days and we are drinking more and more of the stuff, according to just about everyone.

I was going to go for one of those full body massages until my sister Claire, who wants to marry an octogenarian farmer with 4,000 acres and a weak pulse, said, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that it might take a while.

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