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 05/10/2009, 9:21 PM
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SHRIMPER
 
Joined on 28/07/2008
Posts 895
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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27/10/2009, 3:58 PM
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mahatma kane jeeves
Joined on 14/03/2007
Posts 1,618
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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Last entry in Anne Frank`s Diary :
"My Birthday . Father has bought me a drum set ."
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27/10/2009, 7:58 PM
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Dek
Joined on 15/08/2003
Norwich
Posts 1,191
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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Joke....!!! ? Dek/
Laugh, and the wife laughs with you. Snore and you`ll sleep alone.
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28/10/2009, 7:39 AM
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Flange
Joined on 15/05/2005
Norwich
Posts 1,964
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Jim, Tom and Susie.
They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.
She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.
It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a
while, Jim and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the
inevitable happened.
Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So, they buried Susie.
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01/11/2009, 5:18 PM
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SHRIMPER
Joined on 28/07/2008
Posts 895
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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05/11/2009, 4:46 PM
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Storm
Joined on 27/07/2009
Posts 377
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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Subject: 6 AFFAIRS
The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and the dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard! You've been playing golf !'
The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'
The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity..'
So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'
The 4th Affair
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'
The 6th & Best Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work
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07/11/2009, 4:38 PM
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ROBERT
Joined on 16/08/2003
NR Gt. Yarmouth
Posts 4,226
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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Should UK Adopt the Euro???
A cross-section survey of 1000 typical people in the UK , made up of:
· Afghans,
· Pakistanis,
· Indians,
· Poles,
· Iraqis,
· Somalis,
· Nigerians
, Angolans
, Ghanians
· Albanians,
· Bosnians,
· Turks,
· Geordies,
· Brummies,
· Glaswegians and
· Liverpudlians
were asked if they thought Britain should change its currency to Euro.
99% said NO, they were happy with the Giro.
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13/11/2009, 12:33 PM
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Peter R.Farman
Joined on 26/07/2006
Posts 1,064
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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Yesterday, 9:36 PM
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Rupert
Joined on 19/11/2007
Posts 1,410
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Re: Joke of the day..........
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London. Westminster Bridge.
Presumably they built it on a cloudy day.
Rupert
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EDP24 Forums » EDP24 General » News » Joke of the day..........
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